blues ballad

It’s hard

coming, going, never knowing

romantic love

sure there’s lust

but you can’t trust


I open my mind and heart

that’s where I’ll start

maybe one day?



Music That Uplifts…Part 3

giphy (2)

You are not being punished; you are being prepared.

Prepared for more love. Prepared for more impact. Prepared to inspire change in others. Prepared for more awareness. Prepared for your dreams.

–          Mastin Kipp

Hitting rough patches has been one of the defining moments in my life, something I remember more than the good stuff. Not good. I want balance, to appreciate the dark and use it to enjoy the light. It’s hard to admit the victim mentality has an allure that I’ve been used to for far too long. I’m learning that. I made a recent post on Facebook about getting kicked down and a friend suggested a song to listen to keep my spirits up, it was one that I hadn’t considered but the idea was one I always relied on. Music as a therapy placeholder keeping your spirit intact and sometimes making you look a million different ways at things through lyrics. Here are some lyrics that have resonated with me recently…….


So come back when I’m good to go. I got drinks to drink, and men to hold. I got good things to do with my life, yeah. Oh, I wanna dance in the open breeze. Feel the wind in my hair, hear the ocean sing. I got good things to feel in my life, yeah

-Sia “Reaper”

I just wanna be happy. But if I keep on doing the things That keep on bringing me pain. There’s no one else I can blame. If I’m not happy. Wasted time but now I can see. The biggest enemy it was me. So I’m not happy

-Kirk Franklin “Wanna Be Happy”

Your Grace makes ALL Saints out of Sinners! Now I’ve tried my ways but the way that I need is yours. I look to you when it’s all right. I’ll look to you when it’s all wrong. Please, remind me, when I get low. What you see when you look at me. What I know I can be

-Monica “Saints and Sinners”




I hope this post finds you in good spirits and great health. I enjoy sharing and I hope to do more in 2016. Peace and love…..


I Just Feel…..


  • I feel so deeply that…watching the news sometimes gets me to thinking that it’s never safe, stay in the house, get Netflix, order in for food.
  • I feel so deeply that…when seeing my male buddies in pain I hesitate to offer comfort because of that time I tried to help a dude LONG ago he called me a faggot. Some things you never forget.
  • I feel so deeply that…I came out to someone in my life; a falsehood was told which lead me to believe that most people tell you what you want to hear instead of the truth. Sad thing is I’ve been guilty of this in the past.
  • I feel so deeply that…being around certain people bring up skeletons of the past and while forgiveness is in one hand the pain and anguish, tears are in another. Who said moving on was going to be easy?
  • I feel so deeply that…I’ve never allowed myself to have an intimate AND romantic relationship for fear of what it can take away and how it makes my eyes sting, heart hurts to see other happy couples sometimes. Work in progress.
  • I feel so deeply that…I hesitate to share my artistic gifts with the world for fear of ridicule. However I’m well aware that sharing is what the universe wants and the blocks are coming down.
  • I feel so deeply that…I’m going to share this post and feel a sense of relief because I deep down know that sharing stories like these can help someone. As I grow older, it’s getting easier and I’m realizing life will open up as much as I do.
©CaesarMarques 2016
Photo Courtesy of Bing/

I hesitate to say but…


I hesitate to say that spending 9 years at one job kind of hurt my future job prospects or it just feels like it,

 I hesitate to say that being celibate and not dating for awhile took me out of the loop as far as being in a social romantic way,

 I hesitate to say that living under my parents roof taught me to be enabled beyond my wildest dreams and that If I lived on my own things could be worse,

 I hesitate to say that being fat has given me a level of security that is unmatched simply because of my size,

I hesitate to say that I make friends with some people based on the fact that I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with them and shouldn’t be disappointed when it turns out they are or never were interested,

 I hesitate to say wishing and hoping things will be better almost never works if there is no effort put behind it,

 I hesitate to say that being gay is something as a youngster I would change but now as an adult I wouldn’t change a thing,

 I hesitate to say that being alone but not lonely is a joy in my life if only because most of the time I enjoy my company,

I hesitate to say that buying things in my youth for the purpose of notice me syndrome is gone replaced by what the hell am I gonna do with this a year from now,

 I hesitate to say that infatuation and love is 2 different things and I found out the hard way,

I hesitate to say that losing weight will make more people like me, get me more sex with beautiful people, get acting jobs, and just generally make life better because skinny fit people look like they have it all together,

I hesitate to say that I prefer sleep because my dream life is much more interesting than real life,

I hesitate to say that writing this post makes me feel much better because getting out my feelings takes some of the heaviness off my shoulders,

I hesitate to say that I’m working on being the best man, friend, lover, homie, brother I can be.

2016 ©CaesarMarques

Photo Courtesy of Bing Images

Let it Go (2015)


I hated my job. That’s the plain and straightforward truth. It wasn’t creative enough and it basically wasn’t what I saw my future to be. I stayed there 9 years because of you know nice compensation, some people that I liked and fear. That dude (fear) has been my closest companion for a long time and he has gotten me out of some hairy situations and probably stopped me from having some good times in life.

Here was the plan: my car lease is up in November, look for another gig (Hello Seattle one of my favorite cities) and quit this job because hey I’m a hard working dude with a bachelors degree, I’ll land on my feet. Here’s what actually happened: I turned in my lease, quit my job and landed a pretty cushy interview where I could make more money than I had previously, except that interview was canceled just because. I ended up with no car of my own and no job. I’m applying everywhere because I’m a grown man and I have bills like my most grown folk. Jobs I wouldn’t normally look twice at suddenly looked very appealing. Interviews came and went but it seemed the more excited I got about the gig the harder it was to take the rejection of “We’ve decided to go with other candidates”.

For a long time I’ve read that no is a cosmic redirection and that every door that closes is so another better  door can open. In the midst of wondering what is gonna happen and how long you can last on your savings the main thought I have is, this some bull-ish

th180YCCP2All this being said there has been some depressing times feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be hired, saying I wasted years at the previous company, just a whole bunch of shoulda coulda woulda’s. The days have been up and down for the last two months. I’ve had a tremendous support system with my parents and some friends who didn’t outwardly judge me.

I don’t regret leaving my last company for the “promise” of a new opportunity, but It was scary as hell. That company helped me meet some cool people, fall head over heels in love (infatuation probably), lease two new cars and keep my bills paid. You’re thinking well what am I up to now?  I’m still figuring things out about where I want to be in 2016 but I did get a temp position to keep some funds coming into my pocket and there’s a chance it could become permanent. This experience has taught me that when you let things go you might as well let go of the outcome because you never know what the universe has in store. I learned that something crazy these last two months. I wish 2016 to be a great year for all who read this, I appreciate a forum to write my life and those who take the time to read about it.



Photo Courtesy of:,


Stronger With Each Tear…A Poem


When one opportunity leaves and the door closes

how do you get through? The strife and the stress you can’t maintain

and you don’t want to be that friend who always complains.

Life comes at you hard and crying seems to show you’ve let down

your guard. Sure people want to help and their intentions are pure

but the well seems so deep and the heart seems to endure

all the expectations of yourself and the people around trying

and sometimes falling the tears of a clown. You never know how

strong you have to be when you have no choice say it loud and proud

that’s why you have a voice. I speak for those dudes who doesn’t like

vulnerabilities to show and want to maintain a life that’s awesome from

the word go. Strength is in your head, in your heart and your muscles

you flex them all. Sometimes you get tired and you just want to ball

It’s okay and it’s alright we all will live to see another day just to win the

fight to get out of bed, to take care of business and take care of yourself

We only get one life to live and from personal experience this life is

something else.


© 2015 CaesarMarques



Asking for Help…A Poem


I crave being independent, however I was faced with the fact that

I cant do it alone. It hurts my heart because I thought independent

was a part of being grown.

Some parts of me despise asking for help because I’m strong, I’m a man

I’m supposed to deal with the cards I’m dealt that’s the plan

The universe works in mysterious ways, I can’t count how many times

I’ve prayed for luck, love and favor so I can enjoy this life and savor

the good and the bad the happy and the sad.

I’m learning to let go of being strong on my own

help is there to guide me and not take over, learn all I can from as

many people before you know life is over. I’m still a work in progress.

© 2015 CaesarMarques




Image courtesy of Yahoo Images


Life in Bold Print…a poem


Louder she says, project your voice let the world hear your noise

Manly the magazine says, wear this, drink that, and please

don’t be seen in public in that hat. So many ideals on who to be

when is it okay to just be me? The musicians put lyrics to songs singing

about fighting for your rights and trying to belong. The examples are

numerous and the fakes are grand, please can I LIVE man? I’m so tired

of following what you think I should be I’m old enough to know that it’s

alright and just fine with me. Fat, skinny, hairy or bald beauty comes one

size fits all. Lets start a revolution and be bold in our resolution to

celebrate our flaws because without them there’s no rhyme or reason at

all. I’m not angry just prepared to show the world how much I care,

about what you think and who you want me to be and I dare you to say all

men are created free. Be Bold Be Proud Be You because in this life its

all you can do.

© 2015 CaesarMarques


Photo Courtesy of Yahoo Images




Gratitude Cometh…A Poem


My sistah oh how you can work my nerves

but never in my life do I think I deserve a better champion

in my corner than you, I’m so grateful

My cuzzo oh how you inspire me to be me at all times

love my life since meeting you, eating with you and sharing good times

with you. Grateful is my heart when you call to check up on me

My bestie thanks for being that listener and that voice to tell me

what I need to hear, is it fate that we met at the time that we did?

I cherish our conversations because lord knows I’m not the easiest

to love being moody and all but my gratitude for your shall never fall

The many people who have graced my life through work, school and play

I just want to say, you’ve made my story so much better for having spent

time with you. I’m forever grateful.

© 2015 CaesarMarques


Photo Courtesy of Yahoo Images

Hope……A Poem

photo courtesy of Yahoo Images
photo courtesy of Yahoo Images

There was never a time I didn’t strive for the best

want the most, love with all my heart

There was never a time I couldn’t find a song

that spoke my heart and kept my world from falling apart

There was never a time that when I felt so unsure of  my place

someone or something didn’t remind me of his love and his grace

There were many times I sought comfort in food

delighting in the fact that it would never do me any harm

Through the presence of mind I leave fear far behind  and

take the step into destiny where I can find

Hope for the future, hope for my life, hope for my finances

so when buying something I don’t have to think twice

I dream in colors not many people can see, Divine, Grand

Bright as can be.

© 2015 CaesarMarques