Hold Up The Light

Photo Courtesy of Pinterest

I’m still here, but I’ve thought about it

Not being here.

Driving on an overpass, how quick to jump

This too shall pass.

Looking at the bottle of pain pills, easy

Takes the pain away.

Looking into the future, it’s not clear

Sadly it’s filled with fear.

Injured from years Dr’s say neglect

And yet

I’m writing this. Am I the strong friend

The one no one checks on. Sometimes

take it day by day, telling the enemy go

away . I don’t want none of your time,

I got mine and I’m gonna be fine.

I learned of a local news reporter today

Who took her life, didn’t know her but

Tears automatically.

On a random night in ICU , i was there

Asking God to take me away

The toughest headache, the sharpest nerve

Pain, more drugs came, the feeling left

For a second.

The point is I’ve been there no judgement

What gets me through?

I’ve asked forgiveness for the wretched

Person i was to merge with the grown up

Man i am today.

Music also has been a great relief, songs

That have preached to me, spoken to me

One such song is the title to this freewrite

“Hold up the light” 3 amazing voices I

Heard talking to me and i thought

Maybe I’m the light? Is this what I’m here

For? Love, Light ,Fight for what’s right?

IDK life is crazy man. You still got me.

I ask for guidance Universe. let me be your

Vessel. I ask humbly to be a light in this

World of darkness…..

©️MarcusCaesar

…loading new life in 3.2.1

new-life-fresh-start-CPBJNM

One month ago today, my job was eliminated. It’s a prime example of be careful of what you ask for or you just might get it. My co-workers and I used to joke about getting paid to stay at home and guess what happened….

It’s a shocker for sure because i’d heard it happen and read of it happening but to see it actually happen in real time? Knocks you on your ass. There were a lot of technical issues that day, but we still didn’t think it was gonna be a Purge situation….

A month later to reflect and here’s the thing…you ready for it?  I don’t miss it, I met some great people but being cursed out on a daily basis for something I couldn’t fix was not my ideal work environment. While I wont bash the company I worked for those 2 years because hey I signed up for it and my bills were paid and it literally does me no good and it doesn’t make me feel better. That chapter of my life is done….

What’s next you want to know? World Domination *inserts* evil laugh. Honestly the world is open to me now in a way that I’d never felt before. Should I

  •  move overseas and teach English?
  •  try a new field that I’ve been interested in but scared to try (graphic design)
  • be a well paid (there’s a difference) sex-worker with clients across the globe
  • go full fledged actor+writer+creator and move to LA
  • go backpacking in Europe or Asia
  • create new content and study more while finding a job that pays well

I mean the list can go on and on and it’s all thanks to ?!*+%&=@!!!! You know who you are buddy. I’m gonna make sure that the next path I choose is not fear based. That I know for sure.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

Marcus Caesar

 

 

Me, Me,Me Yep that’s right…

“”I bow my head

Won’t let my focus change 

I’ve feared for so long 

What would you, they, them think 

What would my future self think 

The universe replied

And so I oblige 

Have faith you’re being guided

So it’s been decided 

To make art, open my heart

In another place, space new energy field 

I ask for best wishes 

The last time I speak on it 

Don’t want to appear weak on it

I’m  Focused on manifesting my dreams 

As crazy as they may seem to

YOU 

I bow my head , pray to be lead

In the right direction.

©MarcusCaesar
Photo Courtesy of Pinterest 

When you know you know 🤷🏽‍♂️

so bright 

wanna shine 

i step back

because of “what they think”

creative life

my own limitations 

are blinding me

can’t won’t see

compliments from peeps 

watching stars Glaring

trying to be free

of the old me

wipe the mirror dude

see yourself 

be yourself 

walk into the light

u have the fight

gonna get it right 

someday is tonight

while sounds of blackness 

optimistic plays in the background 

©MarcusCaesar