Whodini has a song about them….

funnyfriends
photo courtesy of pinterest.com

I admit it, sometimes I don’t want to talk. Sometimes I dont want to go out on the town and have a drink or three. Your constant stories and escapades about how you are getting laid is just a reminder that I’m not. I wont text you everyday because I feel like I’m a bother. That being said, I’m a great friend to have. I like to support my friends, hang with them ( doing new things is always a plus) eat with them and generally learn more about your lives. I get immense joy from finding out something that I would have never have guessed because of preconceived notions about you.

I always found it easy to make friends with females because guess what we both like men. When I wasnt down with admitting it, it was always at the back of mind. It was kind of like an information hunt for me what is there to know, what nudes can I see of your man-friends🙂. My issue in making friends with other dudes was my fault i just came to realize. In my journey of being totally authentic in everything i did, I regarded most straight dudes with the same feeling. They wouldn’t like me if I was authentically me. That, I found out wasnt totally true but it was good to believe so I could keep folks at a distance, I would hide certain facts, try to know about sports and or players on such sport teams and so on. That kept most dudes from asking questions. It was also easy to assume that I was straight because I’m a big dude and I don’t dress gay (yeah I don’t know what that means either).

This post came up because I was cool with someone I met last year. Some of the same interests and it was cool talking to another dude while being my authentic self and not feeling judged for it. I started to notice that I was the only one initiating the meetings. My mind started to come up with some dastardly scenarios (as one mind does). Was I clingy? Did he feel sorry for me and that’s why he was acting like my friend? Were we really friends? A lot of people use that term very loosely. It was strange to me because we went deep on both sides while telling our stories. This year I reached out twice and while there was a response of I’ll let you know what my week is like. That was in April, It’s almost Sept. I guess his week was like leave me alone, I don’t wanna fucking be around you.

Was this a test from the universe? Telling me to let my guard down and let the chips fall where they may. To see if I could take the heat of a friendship that I created in my head AND be willing to give it another go round without closing up again and again. Letting folks in with no promise of reciprocation? Could it be also true that what goes around comes around and I have acted the same way and didn’t know it? So many questions. I believe I am miles away from where I was as far as being open and honest. I do have friends I’ve known a long time that I love dearly, as i get older i realize closing myself off wont help me.

This summer has taught me that having a network to help can be crucial in me being a successful person. Getting help is not weak. You can do a lot alone but you can do more especially with people who genuinely want to help you. I’m gonna pay it forward. Be open to possibilities all over the place who knows what could happen right?  I’ll be crazy and I’ll be cool, I’ll work on sexy and all the right people will come into my life right?

 

©MarcusCaesar

Vocal Warmup

stock-photo-senior-music-teacher-pointing-to-a-music-board-72910063

Find your natural voice the teacher says

Never knowing the price the past paid

In losing such a valuable instrument.

Sounding like a girl when you’re supposed

 To be a man can let down your spirits

Up your guard and unknowingly make your life hard

Find your natural voice the teacher says

No falsetto, strong and proud

I wanna hear your voice so sing it loud

Pick a song any song share your gift with the world

I’m here for a reason to help you understand

Voices come in all shapes and sizes

Its time you realizes that we won’t all

Sound the same, look the same

I can’t pretend to understand your pain

But I can help you become aware

Gifts so rare that not everyone gets it

It’s for the tried and true alone

Give it some time your flower will be full blown

Luther, Freddie, Donny, Sam, Michael and Prince

Shared, cared and paved the way with musical talent

Beyond compare, so how dare you

Not treat this gift with the utmost care

Nurture it, teach it, stretch it

Find your natural voice the teacher says

I will I reply give me some time

Learn for this gift, use this gift

Share this gift because God gave me this gift.

 

©MarcusCaesar

It’s always on my mind.

thoughts
photo courtesy of Bing.com/images

Hi. I’m a mess.

I came back from a road trip recently and some things popped in my head when my best friend said to me on the way home “I thought you were going to get loose, everyone seemed open except you.” Well thanks best friend, if I didn’t like you so much I would’ve pushed you out at the rest area. (I kid) I hate to replay the same narrative over and over so I’ll just say this what people has said about me in the past, I tend to think in the present.

People were not nice in the past, let me tell ya. I believed and believe you have to look a certain way, act a certain way to get what you want. In my choosing not to, I’m being a rebel, original and also single, not wealthy and so on and so forth. It’s all in my thoughts right? I’ve read somewhere that thoughts become things, what you think will ultimately be what manifests in real life.

In short, I’m doing horrible at this.

I want to change. I really do.

It’s been a rough 2016 so far. Want to find my light and keep it.

 

CaesarMarques

 

Finding Out… Part 1

searching_new_life
Photo Credit: Bing Images

All over the place these

Thoughts of mines trying to

Get it together

 

I wanted to do everything

Creativity formed at birth

So what has stopped me?

 

A fear, opinions, lies

Of someone else’s experiences

Branded on me since birth

 

Took time to form my own

I’m on my path

Stars have aligned

Watch out here I come

 

©2016 CaesarMarques

 

Some Puzzle Pieces Wont Fit…

dontfitin-700x700-300x300
Photo credit: Bing Images

I bought some new shoes

Now it takes away the blues

Walking strong alone

 

I bought a new car

Moonroof and leather seats

Am I ever gonna get to share these treats

 

I bought some jewelry

Gold shining in the light

Whose hand am I holding tonight?

 

I bought a new home

Marble counters and jetted tub

Life is great dinner’s ready at 8

 

I bought a new body

6 pack abs and ego to match

Attitude strong no problems here

 

I bought a new life

Found out it didn’t fulfill what was inside

All the insecurities I tried to hide.

 

©2016 CaesarMarques

When unavailable feels so good…

piccit_forbidden_love_608469096.640x0
photo credit: bing.com/images

When the sun sets our tongues collide

I’ve been waiting for you strong

The pressure mounts the thoughts seep

Through sweat through our pores why

Didn’t I ever ignore the signs you showed

My feelings were bold truth be told I didn’t

Wouldn’t care these sweet nothings were ours

To share between us too but deep down I knew

You didn’t have to tell me I saw in your gifts

The weekend visits the out of town trips

My heart can’t take much more of this ache

My feelings I forsake for the sanctity of your hands

In mines. It’s not meant to be I don’t want to be on

The side watching family pics on IG wishing that was me

That’s not the life I see for myself

It won’t feel the same without you but

It’s a price I have to pay there can be no other way

I’ll miss your lip quiver when my tongue touched that space

And I’ll also miss that smile on your face

My life will go on this I know to be true

I’m making this the ending for me and you.

©2016 Caesar Marques

 

Artistic Prerogative?

214258-Quotes+by+famous+artists++++Separating the artist from the art. Its kind of hard to take them apart.

He hates the LGBT community and so does she but I love the art they put

into the world. Question comes up should I support or should I abort

all media from these people who don’t agree with my life

and no it’s not a lifestyle, I could go for miles running my mouth

about how hypocritical these artists are, problem is my arguments

wont go very far. Many people talk but not a lot of people listen would

they really stop and pay attention? what I feel is valid and what you feel

is valid too lets both live our lives making it do what it do. I listen to some

music because its inspirational, the universe helped you sing that song to

help everyone including me, member of the LGBT. When you pass I will mourn

you and the art you shared for you were an inspiration, one of those who dared

be unapologetically who you were. A lesson for us all

©2016 CaesarMarques