I hesitate to say but…

thinking-man

I hesitate to say that spending 9 years at one job kind of hurt my future job prospects or it just feels like it,

 I hesitate to say that being celibate and not dating for awhile took me out of the loop as far as being in a social romantic way,

 I hesitate to say that living under my parents roof taught me to be enabled beyond my wildest dreams and that If I lived on my own things could be worse,

 I hesitate to say that being fat has given me a level of security that is unmatched simply because of my size,

I hesitate to say that I make friends with some people based on the fact that I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with them and shouldn’t be disappointed when it turns out they are or never were interested,

 I hesitate to say wishing and hoping things will be better almost never works if there is no effort put behind it,

 I hesitate to say that being gay is something as a youngster I would change but now as an adult I wouldn’t change a thing,

 I hesitate to say that being alone but not lonely is a joy in my life if only because most of the time I enjoy my company,

I hesitate to say that buying things in my youth for the purpose of notice me syndrome is gone replaced by what the hell am I gonna do with this a year from now,

 I hesitate to say that infatuation and love is 2 different things and I found out the hard way,

I hesitate to say that losing weight will make more people like me, get me more sex with beautiful people, get acting jobs, and just generally make life better because skinny fit people look like they have it all together,

I hesitate to say that I prefer sleep because my dream life is much more interesting than real life,

I hesitate to say that writing this post makes me feel much better because getting out my feelings takes some of the heaviness off my shoulders,

I hesitate to say that I’m working on being the best man, friend, lover, homie, brother I can be.

2016 ©CaesarMarques

Photo Courtesy of Bing Images

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2 thoughts on “I hesitate to say but…

  1. Dear hesitater, I read you through and through and I hesitate to say that I feel close to you. With that already said (how many breath does a hesitation taketh?) I can relate to many things but the nocturnal life part is the one thing I’ve always relished and to a certain extend preferred to linear day life. In my dreams I visit places, I roam with animals and I’m part of plots so unknown and adventurous it makes waking life dull (which by the way, is a movie I highly recommend if you haven’t seen it yet “Waking life”) ..Courage rêv
    ons!

    Like

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