Manifesto Shoutout (part 1)

It’s been the same

Scared of change

Im a creative creature 

I thrive off of creating worlds

I didn’t share, caring what you thought 

It’s been simmering 

Percolating under the surface 

Doing myself a disservice 

Been Dormant; long enough 

Fear as my crutch 

I’m gonna, I wanna share my art

My heart is in a different place 

No this won’t erase the past

All I ask is for patience, time 

I’m trying to figure it all out

Scream and shout let it all out

My voice, my soul , no control 

Getting uncomfortable 

Just you wait and see

The fire I have in me……..
©MarcusCaesar

💖Universe have my back 💓


You want the best for everyone 

Including yourself 

I need a miracle 

I want to move to another place to 

Practice my art, fulfill my hearts desire 

Fear, finances, hold me back

I send light to receive light

This is my call to the universe 

Help me in anyway you can

Guide me

To the situations, people, places 

My heart is full of gratitude for

What’s to come

I work hard, now I have to work smart 

By the end of 2017 I plan to be settled in

Send me your positivity

Send me your magic 

Help make my dreams come true 🙏🏽

©MarcusCaesar

Snack on this (thoughts in waiting)


I enjoy eating 

Fast foods, Snackfoods, good foods, bad foods 

It’s my armor

Invisible, seen, antisocial, mean

I choose this

Hard to quit, Easy to get, goes down smooth 

It’s how I cope

Sexuality, obesity, debt, stuck

I pray about it 

Love, money, purpose, relationships

It gets better, doesn’t it?  Hope. 

©MarcusCaesar

*i don’t own the image, Image is courtesy of google images*

Read to Recharge 💓

The world can be tough

Without your brain making it so

It can be sometimes hard to put yourself in go.

 Be Tender with yourself /myself/ourselves 

I wish I knew all thee answers

Always searching for something more 

I’m learning to adapt 

To love ❤️ 

To accept 

Myself as I am

Work in progress 

©MarcusCaesar

I hope to purchase my uniform…


Sitting here thinking about you…..

I want to play in the rain with your essence 

Eat pizza, while we disagree with pineapple 

On that said pizza, I relent it’s ok 

Because I’m eating with you

Riverfront walking , our fears talking

Will someone mind if we kiss? It’s been 

So long, that walk from the parking lot

To one of many favorite spots. Fuck’em 

We dress alike but people can’t see the 
Uniform we share is just smiles and happiness 

between you and me. 

©MarcusCaesar

Daddy Lessons 

“Dad what’s a faggot? “he wouldn’t look at me he just kept driving. It seemed like miles had passed before he spoke. “Why would you ask me some shit like that, you heard your mom say that?”

” I just wanted to know because I heard some boys call somebody that in class and the boy started crying.”Next thing I know there was a bop bip bop and there was a swoosh sound and then my dad saying FUCK real loud. We pull into a motel on the highway and just sit there. 

Silence fills the car as time seems to drag. “Well it looks like we got a flat tire my dude and I don’t think I have a fucking spare.” Call uncle Darrell I say, he got a big truck to come help us don’t he like to fix things? My dad continues “before I do let’s talk about living with your mom since I’ve been gone is everything good, ain’t nobody fucking with you Is they? I look at him and we both smile.”it’s OK I say she is grumpy most of the time but she lets she lets me eat Taco Bell all the time,but dad you didn’t answer my question what is a faggot?” 

My dad,never at a loss for words took extra time to answer too long for my taste. A deep breath in and he begins explain “you know I made a vow to myself and to you when you were a little dude to always tell you the truth because that’s where I want you to be empowered, I will always support the truth tellers and the real people. Authenticity is how you live your best life son it’s where it’s at and don’t you forget that shit.The word faggot i believe is a slur used to make it seem wrong to like someone of the same sex, some use it to describe a gay man.” 

My brow immediately furrowed and he continued “some folks want everybody to be the same, have the same beliefs, act the same, love the same and that my dude is not how the world works.” It kind of made since to me since the boy they picked on acted girly, kids thought he liked other boys. He continued “the word faggot is a term that tries to make gay people feel bad about themselves and make them mad and sad.” 

I asked him “did you call anybody a faggot when you were younger?” He pulled out his cell phone and started to dial while speaking to me “I wasn’t the smart young dude like you so yeah, I used that word before I knew what it meant.I bet not ever catch you using it you hear me!”

My 10-year-old brain comprehended that with surprising ease but I was now hungry and though I had more questions he was on the phone talking to my uncle and I was mesmerized watching the 18 wheelers go by. 

©Marcus Caesar

*In response to the prompt Slur*
Image courtesy of Google Images

Step into it, be fabulous dahling….

                                {Including Me}
                              

     

Told by a co-worker you should have more confidence in yourself 

Confidence doesn’t come easy, based on the belief that if I think too highly people will make it there mission to take me down

Which brings the point that people are not thinking of me as much as I think of me

People have said “you’re handsome”, but would people actually say “you ugly”?

I overthink, I criticize, I realize thats who I am 

If I’m gifted at making acquaintances , own it

If people want to see me smile, do it 

If the leadership at my job wants me to lead and that’s the end goal anyway, don’t shrink and automatically recommend someone else

If you fail, that means you tried right?

In 2017, I’ve gotta step into my greatness and claim my place in this world no backing down 

Most people want me to thrive and I should want that for myself 

And I can’t do that wishing to be someone else 

I step into this place, the table has been set

Now muthafucka you better eat…..
© Marcus Caesar

Photo courtesy of Tumblr 

Have you ever? 

…wanted so bad to live life on your own terms but so busy comparing that you forgot what your terms were?

…started being attracted to the same sex at a early age but deathly afraid of people finding out so you go into a shell?

…love to sleep because your dream life is one of the happiest places you can go?

…put words in people’s mouths, automatically give them a story as to why they wouldn’t like you without actually knowing that person?

…as a teenager neglect cleanliness about yourself so that it would put up a wall as to keep people out?

…went years without sex because you find your body disgusting?

…go out of your way to make people smile and laugh so that the universe will send people to do the same for you?

…decided that the “fuck it all” attitude is the way to be from here on out, when the world seems way too complicated and you’re sensitive to the energies of that world for better or worse 


…to be continued 



©MarcusCaesar

…gif courtesy of GIPHY.com

Now is here at this moment…

and-will-you-succeed-dr-seuss-quote-1024x563
courtesy of Bing Images

I haven’t been happy for a while, there I said it. It’s nobody’s fault but my own. I put so much on material things and the need to feel like I’m somebody and have it be acknowledged in the world that I lost sight of joy. I see it in others but have yet to acknowledge it in my own existence. Will I find it? It’s a daily challenge. Its hard work trying to give smiles when you feel sad.  I’ve neglected this blog because I’ve felt dry creatively. I’m sure that most writers have felt this way at some point in their journey. Today I’m gonna take a step in another direction and post 15 things I’m in love with and grateful for right now, because today is the 15th. 😉

1)      Emeli Sande’ s “Don’t Fight The Bullet”, “Colorblind” and “Hurts”

2)      Adidas Slides

3)      Norah Jones’s “Change is Gonna Come”

4)      Twitter for endless commentary that’s funny, inspiring and outrageous

5)      The means to pay bills

6)      A man with nice feet

7)      Marvel Comic illustration covers based on Hip-Hop Album covers

8)      Garlicky shrimp pasta alfredo

9)      Barbers who adjust to your schedule

10)  The whole movie theatre experience (seats, big screen, surround sound, snacks)

11)  Mudslides

12)   Christina Aguilera’s “I Will Be”

13)   Toronto, Canada

14)  British Pop Music

15)  People who accept me as I am.

Whodini has a song about them….

funnyfriends
photo courtesy of pinterest.com

I admit it, sometimes I don’t want to talk. Sometimes I dont want to go out on the town and have a drink or three. Your constant stories and escapades about how you are getting laid is just a reminder that I’m not. I wont text you everyday because I feel like I’m a bother. That being said, I’m a great friend to have. I like to support my friends, hang with them ( doing new things is always a plus) eat with them and generally learn more about your lives. I get immense joy from finding out something that I would have never have guessed because of preconceived notions about you.

I always found it easy to make friends with females because guess what we both like men. When I wasnt down with admitting it, it was always at the back of mind. It was kind of like an information hunt for me what is there to know, what nudes can I see of your man-friends :-). My issue in making friends with other dudes was my fault i just came to realize. In my journey of being totally authentic in everything i did, I regarded most straight dudes with the same feeling. They wouldn’t like me if I was authentically me. That, I found out wasnt totally true but it was good to believe so I could keep folks at a distance, I would hide certain facts, try to know about sports and or players on such sport teams and so on. That kept most dudes from asking questions. It was also easy to assume that I was straight because I’m a big dude and I don’t dress gay (yeah I don’t know what that means either).

This post came up because I was cool with someone I met last year. Some of the same interests and it was cool talking to another dude while being my authentic self and not feeling judged for it. I started to notice that I was the only one initiating the meetings. My mind started to come up with some dastardly scenarios (as one mind does). Was I clingy? Did he feel sorry for me and that’s why he was acting like my friend? Were we really friends? A lot of people use that term very loosely. It was strange to me because we went deep on both sides while telling our stories. This year I reached out twice and while there was a response of I’ll let you know what my week is like. That was in April, It’s almost Sept. I guess his week was like leave me alone, I don’t wanna fucking be around you.

Was this a test from the universe? Telling me to let my guard down and let the chips fall where they may. To see if I could take the heat of a friendship that I created in my head AND be willing to give it another go round without closing up again and again. Letting folks in with no promise of reciprocation? Could it be also true that what goes around comes around and I have acted the same way and didn’t know it? So many questions. I believe I am miles away from where I was as far as being open and honest. I do have friends I’ve known a long time that I love dearly, as i get older i realize closing myself off wont help me.

This summer has taught me that having a network to help can be crucial in me being a successful person. Getting help is not weak. You can do a lot alone but you can do more especially with people who genuinely want to help you. I’m gonna pay it forward. Be open to possibilities all over the place who knows what could happen right?  I’ll be crazy and I’ll be cool, I’ll work on sexy and all the right people will come into my life right?

 

©MarcusCaesar