“Dad what’s a faggot? “he wouldn’t look at me he just kept driving. It seemed like miles had passed before he spoke. “Why would you ask me some shit like that, you heard your mom say that?”
” I just wanted to know because I heard some boys call somebody that in class and the boy started crying.”Next thing I know there was a bop bip bop and there was a swoosh sound and then my dad saying FUCK real loud. We pull into a motel on the highway and just sit there.
Silence fills the car as time seems to drag. “Well it looks like we got a flat tire my dude and I don’t think I have a fucking spare.” Call uncle Darrell I say, he got a big truck to come help us don’t he like to fix things? My dad continues “before I do let’s talk about living with your mom since I’ve been gone is everything good, ain’t nobody fucking with you Is they? I look at him and we both smile.”it’s OK I say she is grumpy most of the time but she lets she lets me eat Taco Bell all the time,but dad you didn’t answer my question what is a faggot?”
My dad,never at a loss for words took extra time to answer too long for my taste. A deep breath in and he begins explain “you know I made a vow to myself and to you when you were a little dude to always tell you the truth because that’s where I want you to be empowered, I will always support the truth tellers and the real people. Authenticity is how you live your best life son it’s where it’s at and don’t you forget that shit.The word faggot i believe is a slur used to make it seem wrong to like someone of the same sex, some use it to describe a gay man.”
My brow immediately furrowed and he continued “some folks want everybody to be the same, have the same beliefs, act the same, love the same and that my dude is not how the world works.” It kind of made since to me since the boy they picked on acted girly, kids thought he liked other boys. He continued “the word faggot is a term that tries to make gay people feel bad about themselves and make them mad and sad.”
I asked him “did you call anybody a faggot when you were younger?” He pulled out his cell phone and started to dial while speaking to me “I wasn’t the smart young dude like you so yeah, I used that word before I knew what it meant.I bet not ever catch you using it you hear me!”
My 10-year-old brain comprehended that with surprising ease but I was now hungry and though I had more questions he was on the phone talking to my uncle and I was mesmerized watching the 18 wheelers go by.
*In response to the prompt Slur*
Image courtesy of Google Images
The season is here
The big awards are given out
Music to film, around this time
Lights never dim
I’ve always wanted to be part of the culture
Entertaining the masses
Some days I feel like putting in the work
Some days I want to wallow in the hurt
Of self doubt and what if’s
The universe is showing me
That I have lessons to learn and to teach
Preach if you will, through lyrics or through
Song, that’s how most folks get it on
I’m afraid to share you see, message
May not be received, told to go back in
Fighting against that, lessons resumed
Eager to learn again, no expectations
Will you hear my song? 💘
In response to Sound
First time ocean visit
Loudness , waves crashing
Water sign, deep connection
I could stay all day, time permitting
Blessings abound, gratitude sets in
Not everyone has these blessings
They may take it for granted
I don’t. I won’t
Heaven I hear you
Told by a co-worker you should have more confidence in yourself
Confidence doesn’t come easy, based on the belief that if I think too highly people will make it there mission to take me down
Which brings the point that people are not thinking of me as much as I think of me
People have said “you’re handsome”, but would people actually say “you ugly”?
I overthink, I criticize, I realize thats who I am
If I’m gifted at making acquaintances , own it
If people want to see me smile, do it
If the leadership at my job wants me to lead and that’s the end goal anyway, don’t shrink and automatically recommend someone else
If you fail, that means you tried right?
In 2017, I’ve gotta step into my greatness and claim my place in this world no backing down
Most people want me to thrive and I should want that for myself
And I can’t do that wishing to be someone else
I step into this place, the table has been set
Now muthafucka you better eat…..
© Marcus Caesar
Photo courtesy of Tumblr
…wanted so bad to live life on your own terms but so busy comparing that you forgot what your terms were?
…started being attracted to the same sex at a early age but deathly afraid of people finding out so you go into a shell?
…love to sleep because your dream life is one of the happiest places you can go?
…put words in people’s mouths, automatically give them a story as to why they wouldn’t like you without actually knowing that person?
…as a teenager neglect cleanliness about yourself so that it would put up a wall as to keep people out?
…went years without sex because you find your body disgusting?
…go out of your way to make people smile and laugh so that the universe will send people to do the same for you?
…decided that the “fuck it all” attitude is the way to be from here on out, when the world seems way too complicated and you’re sensitive to the energies of that world for better or worse
…to be continued
…gif courtesy of GIPHY.com