Tag: lgbt
It’s always on my mind.
Hi. I’m a mess.
I came back from a road trip recently and some things popped in my head when my best friend said to me on the way home “I thought you were going to get loose, everyone seemed open except you.” Well thanks best friend, if I didn’t like you so much I would’ve pushed you out at the rest area. (I kid) I hate to replay the same narrative over and over so I’ll just say this what people has said about me in the past, I tend to think in the present.
People were not nice in the past, let me tell ya. I believed and believe you have to look a certain way, act a certain way to get what you want. In my choosing not to, I’m being a rebel, original and also single, not wealthy and so on and so forth. It’s all in my thoughts right? I’ve read somewhere that thoughts become things, what you think will ultimately be what manifests in real life.
In short, I’m doing horrible at this.
I want to change. I really do.
It’s been a rough 2016 so far. Want to find my light and keep it.
CaesarMarques
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Finding Out… Part 1
All over the place these
Thoughts of mines trying to
Get it together
I wanted to do everything
Creativity formed at birth
So what has stopped me?
A fear, opinions, lies
Of someone else’s experiences
Branded on me since birth
Took time to form my own
I’m on my path
Stars have aligned
Watch out here I come
©2016 CaesarMarques
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Some Puzzle Pieces Wont Fit…
I bought some new shoes
Now it takes away the blues
Walking strong alone
I bought a new car
Moonroof and leather seats
Am I ever gonna get to share these treats
I bought some jewelry
Gold shining in the light
Whose hand am I holding tonight?
I bought a new home
Marble counters and jetted tub
Life is great dinner’s ready at 8
I bought a new body
6 pack abs and ego to match
Attitude strong no problems here
I bought a new life
Found out it didn’t fulfill what was inside
All the insecurities I tried to hide.
©2016 CaesarMarques
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When unavailable feels so good…
When the sun sets our tongues collide
I’ve been waiting for you strong
The pressure mounts the thoughts seep
Through sweat through our pores why
Didn’t I ever ignore the signs you showed
My feelings were bold truth be told I didn’t
Wouldn’t care these sweet nothings were ours
To share between us too but deep down I knew
You didn’t have to tell me I saw in your gifts
The weekend visits the out of town trips
My heart can’t take much more of this ache
My feelings I forsake for the sanctity of your hands
In mines. It’s not meant to be I don’t want to be on
The side watching family pics on IG wishing that was me
That’s not the life I see for myself
It won’t feel the same without you but
It’s a price I have to pay there can be no other way
I’ll miss your lip quiver when my tongue touched that space
And I’ll also miss that smile on your face
My life will go on this I know to be true
I’m making this the ending for me and you.
©2016 Caesar Marques
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Artistic Prerogative?
Separating the artist from the art. Its kind of hard to take them apart.
He hates the LGBT community and so does she but I love the art they put
into the world. Question comes up should I support or should I abort
all media from these people who don’t agree with my life
and no it’s not a lifestyle, I could go for miles running my mouth
about how hypocritical these artists are, problem is my arguments
wont go very far. Many people talk but not a lot of people listen would
they really stop and pay attention? what I feel is valid and what you feel
is valid too lets both live our lives making it do what it do. I listen to some
music because its inspirational, the universe helped you sing that song to
help everyone including me, member of the LGBT. When you pass I will mourn
you and the art you shared for you were an inspiration, one of those who dared
be unapologetically who you were. A lesson for us all
©2016 CaesarMarques
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We R Who We R
In 1980, the foundation was solid, hearts were filled, joy was released
peace had been found a new entity was in town.
Growing up not knowing how he felt was considered wrong he clawed
and he clawed but ultimately felt all alone.
Then it came, teenage years hit like a brick, hygiene less than perfect
fitting in was the goal, slowly selling his soul.
The property fell in decay, all that promise slowly started going away
he had much to say but didn’t feel safe enough to say it.
Oh, many people tried to get behind the wall others just teased
family plus friends et all.
Shut down, anti social, a brick home no foundation just a lot of furniture
send people away it’s for the best don’t you see the S on this chest?
Late 20’s a merger was announced, spirit and joy came to rescue your boy
and things started turning around.
It shows what happens when investing in yourself because let’s face it, it could be no one else
that will take care of things like you can.
Are things perfect not at all he’s still scared to fall but knows there’s a net
and a light that never fails and likea great angelic spirit this dude will prevail.
©CaesarMarques 2016
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Music That Uplifts…Part 3
You are not being punished; you are being prepared.
Prepared for more love. Prepared for more impact. Prepared to inspire change in others. Prepared for more awareness. Prepared for your dreams.
– Mastin Kipp
Hitting rough patches has been one of the defining moments in my life, something I remember more than the good stuff. Not good. I want balance, to appreciate the dark and use it to enjoy the light. It’s hard to admit the victim mentality has an allure that I’ve been used to for far too long. I’m learning that. I made a recent post on Facebook about getting kicked down and a friend suggested a song to listen to keep my spirits up, it was one that I hadn’t considered but the idea was one I always relied on. Music as a therapy placeholder keeping your spirit intact and sometimes making you look a million different ways at things through lyrics. Here are some lyrics that have resonated with me recently…….
So come back when I’m good to go. I got drinks to drink, and men to hold. I got good things to do with my life, yeah. Oh, I wanna dance in the open breeze. Feel the wind in my hair, hear the ocean sing. I got good things to feel in my life, yeah
-Sia “Reaper”
I just wanna be happy. But if I keep on doing the things That keep on bringing me pain. There’s no one else I can blame. If I’m not happy. Wasted time but now I can see. The biggest enemy it was me. So I’m not happy
-Kirk Franklin “Wanna Be Happy”
Your Grace makes ALL Saints out of Sinners! Now I’ve tried my ways but the way that I need is yours. I look to you when it’s all right. I’ll look to you when it’s all wrong. Please, remind me, when I get low. What you see when you look at me. What I know I can be
-Monica “Saints and Sinners”
I hope this post finds you in good spirits and great health. I enjoy sharing and I hope to do more in 2016. Peace and love…..
©CaesarMarques2016
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I Just Feel…..
- I feel so deeply that…watching the news sometimes gets me to thinking that it’s never safe, stay in the house, get Netflix, order in for food.
- I feel so deeply that…when seeing my male buddies in pain I hesitate to offer comfort because of that time I tried to help a dude LONG ago he called me a faggot. Some things you never forget.
- I feel so deeply that…I came out to someone in my life; a falsehood was told which lead me to believe that most people tell you what you want to hear instead of the truth. Sad thing is I’ve been guilty of this in the past.
- I feel so deeply that…being around certain people bring up skeletons of the past and while forgiveness is in one hand the pain and anguish, tears are in another. Who said moving on was going to be easy?
- I feel so deeply that…I’ve never allowed myself to have an intimate AND romantic relationship for fear of what it can take away and how it makes my eyes sting, heart hurts to see other happy couples sometimes. Work in progress.
- I feel so deeply that…I hesitate to share my artistic gifts with the world for fear of ridicule. However I’m well aware that sharing is what the universe wants and the blocks are coming down.
- I feel so deeply that…I’m going to share this post and feel a sense of relief because I deep down know that sharing stories like these can help someone. As I grow older, it’s getting easier and I’m realizing life will open up as much as I do.
©CaesarMarques 2016
Photo Courtesy of Bing/MysticMoonMedia.com
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I hesitate to say but…
I hesitate to say that spending 9 years at one job kind of hurt my future job prospects or it just feels like it,
I hesitate to say that being celibate and not dating for awhile took me out of the loop as far as being in a social romantic way,
I hesitate to say that living under my parents roof taught me to be enabled beyond my wildest dreams and that If I lived on my own things could be worse,
I hesitate to say that being fat has given me a level of security that is unmatched simply because of my size,
I hesitate to say that I make friends with some people based on the fact that I wouldn’t mind having a relationship with them and shouldn’t be disappointed when it turns out they are or never were interested,
I hesitate to say wishing and hoping things will be better almost never works if there is no effort put behind it,
I hesitate to say that being gay is something as a youngster I would change but now as an adult I wouldn’t change a thing,
I hesitate to say that being alone but not lonely is a joy in my life if only because most of the time I enjoy my company,
I hesitate to say that buying things in my youth for the purpose of notice me syndrome is gone replaced by what the hell am I gonna do with this a year from now,
I hesitate to say that infatuation and love is 2 different things and I found out the hard way,
I hesitate to say that losing weight will make more people like me, get me more sex with beautiful people, get acting jobs, and just generally make life better because skinny fit people look like they have it all together,
I hesitate to say that I prefer sleep because my dream life is much more interesting than real life,
I hesitate to say that writing this post makes me feel much better because getting out my feelings takes some of the heaviness off my shoulders,
I hesitate to say that I’m working on being the best man, friend, lover, homie, brother I can be.
2016 ©CaesarMarques
Photo Courtesy of Bing Images
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