2016 Year In Review

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Hey Everyone, I don’t believe I did this last year. I’m gonna do a synopsis of how my year has gone down with the help of gifs (love them). My goal next year is to contribute more to this space so you can get to know me better through words and photography, I think I may do a whole redesign of the blog but we shall see…….

All I Ask 

I was in a temporary job in which I didn’t love just getting by in the start of the year. I was working a shift that didn’t allow me to do any of my creative endeavors that 2015 had me interested in (acting classes, doing plays etc) my thought process was do a good job and you may become permanent. So I did, perfect attendance and stellar call quality according to my superiors I wouldnt been a model permanent employee, but because this was still considered temporary I took other interviews hoping for a full-time permanent position. I’m asking the heavens to bless me with full-time employment so I don’t default on my car loan, credit cards, student loans etc…

No

I got let go from that temporary job with the reasoning “They just don’t feel you are long-term employee material”. My question is who is? Do I want to stay making Lil money with a fucking bachelors degree? No. So I am going to better myself AND search for other opportunities while working, it only makes sense right? So they were right in retrospect, as soon as I found another opportunity I was out of there quick, fast and in a hurry. Luckily I qualified for unemployment benefits that got me through bills-wise. I already had trouble with stress and depression tied to my self-worth and this little setback didn’t do anything to help matters.

 Darkness and Light

When summer started to roll in, so did me eating my feelings and feeling down because I’m going to interviews upon interviews and still nothing. One company I interviewed with twice and they were known to hire any and everybody…….. but not me. Bitches

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Fill out online 80 page questionnaire/ application….. Phone Interview….. In-Person Interview….. “we’ve decided to go with other candidates, good luck with your job search”

My favorite part of the summer? I decided to take singing lessons to keep my creative juices flowing and I thought i was okay at it on the way to being stellar at it. It was a testament to me doing something I’ve always wanted to do and finding a way to get it done. I met some cool ladies there who were all in the same boat I was in (learning) and it was a highlight of my year.Middle of the summer I decided to check out a play that one of my acting teachers wrote and it starred a couple of peeps I had acting classes with, I happened to sit with The Lady H another acting classmate who was also there for support as well. I went through my story and she offered to go over my resume and give me tips on how to stand out in a crowded employment field. She spruced up my resume and sent me links to some openings and encouraged me to join LinkedIn. The Lady H was a blessing beyond words and I thank God i was able to get out of my own way and not turn down help because of pride and what not.

  Ultralight Beam

I wanted to share my writings with the world and so I decided that I would submit some of my poetry for publication. I learned that you really should read the publications you are submitting to, needless to say my selections didn’t get picked and a valuable lesson was learned. Score one for experience……I woke up one morning in July and while trying to rush to the bathroom for my morning whizz, my mother hit me with the news that my cousin had passed. He was only 2 years older than me, we weren’t close to be honest, that was a product of my insecurities being around straight dudes and what not, but when we did see each other it was all love. I was in the midst of taking singing lessons and he was a music producer. Who knows what could have happened if we mixed and I had opened up about this part of my life. I try not to dwell on the what could have beens. Rest In Paradise

Breathing Underwater

Hot, Humid August rolls around my unemployment benefits are at an end, resubmit my updated polished resume to all the different job search engines and I get some calls. Interviews roll through and I get 2 job offers in one day. Which do I choose? It came down to the schedules being offered and so I chose cable. I’m still there, going on the 5 month mark. Some days are longer and harder than others but that is to be expected in Customer Service. I’m still playing catch-up with getting my self-love back on track, I did connect with some cool people on social media whom I could consider friends, maybe one day I’ll share some vocal stylings on this here blog. 😉 I traveled to Toronto a place I’ve always wanted to visit and I booked a trip to Los Angeles in February 2017 , so more travel is definitely on my itinerary for this upcoming year. I learned I am resilient, confident at times, lazy, undeniably cool, charming and blessed.

So 2017 I’m ready for you……Let’s

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©Marcus-Caesar

 

*gifs courtesy of Giphy.com*

 

 

 

 

Kids : Thinking About Them #Essay

Photo Credit: Gallery Hip.com
Photo Credit: Gallery Hip.com

Do men have biological clocks to? I’ve been wondering because when I see fathers with their kids I have a slight case of longing, like I’m missing something. I am 5 years from 40 so that could be it. I also have 12 nieces and nephews that I can see for a weekend and be ready to send them home afterwards. Theres  nothing like having your own. My situation is different in the fact that I’m 90% sure I will not end up with a lady as my life partner. I don’t know if you people know this and be prepared to be blown away if you don’t, two men CAN NOT biologically have children. Crazy ain’t it.

That leaves some options though:

Surrogacy- I hear it costs a shit ton of money but you get to pick your surrogate and the child has your genes but again you need money.

Adoption- Costs Money (of course) Options on where to pick your child from anywhere in the world that won’t deny a single parent or even worse a gay couple.

Pretending to be Straight, Knocking up a lady and suing for primary custody: Costs money and takes too much time. You’d have to get courts involved, hurt feelings everywhere. It’s still an option.

Where do I go from here? Continue to daydream and hope a stork drops one out of the sky? It’s still in the planning stages because there are men who do this as a single parent which I know isn’t easy. I can barely afford to clothe and feed myself and now I want a kid? Hard to believe for some but my heart is good and I’d make a wonderful but stern teddy bear of a dad. Just thought I’d throw this out into the universe.

Now to go make some money or better yet marry some money 😉

CaesarMarques

You Are Not Alone

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I care 4 u

Theres something you’re not telling me maybe you think I wouldn’t understand

Troubles run deep this I know, but only on your face does a smile show

Hero

Talk to me all night long, I want to listen, be that guiding voice you need to hear

Long sentences form, your trust I have earned so tell me whats going on?

Brave

It takes so much to get through this life, the hills and valleys, the joy and sorrow

No one is without problems this I can share, hoping that you know how much I care

Angel In Disguise

You lighten up as we talk more, the clouds are parting, the thunder is quieting

Issues we were both scared to face come to sight helping us both see the future in all its light

Unbreakable

Bonds are welded shut, love is exchanged, priorities are rearranged

I’m never far away, that’s what telecommunications are for

please don’t ever hesitate to knock on my door.

CaesarMarques