Looking Ahead

poetry

I’m leaving today

don’t know where

everything’s changed

I’m grown/I’ve grown now.

©️MarcusCaesar

stormi weather season

poetry

Feels like I’m in the rain

can’t see clear

every time I wipe my eyes something I hold dear

comes to a close

kissing up on my nose trying to keep the pain at bay

want to experience love want to experience success

want to be the best

pressure in my shoulder, I just wanna get over

Wanna fly away

start over begin a new day

life doesn’t work that way I want to be happy OK?

Just want it to stop raining so I can feel

peace.

In my heart in my home

sometimes I don’t want to do it alone

I push people away no wonder they don’t stay

I’m trying as hard as I can giving you the Best that I got

I wish these self-defeating behaviors stop

©️MarcusCaesar

personal holiday

essay, memoir

“It’s time for the good times
Forget about the bad times, oh yeah
One day to come together to release the pressure
We need a holiday” – Madonna

on this day nine years ago, i revealed a personal truth to my parents

like pressure off your brain it was needed. My fam is low-key so it wasn’t the

biggest deal to them, but to me my world was a bit lighter . I’m proud. I’m blessed.

ups and downs both abound but I’m still trucking. Haven’t found my forever but

there’s hope. so while people celebrate the holiday of our fallen soldiers, i celebrate

the holiday of my fallen facade, lies I told to belong so long ago.

Selah’

©️MarcusCaesar

Hold Up The Light

family, life, memoir

Photo Courtesy of Pinterest

I’m still here, but I’ve thought about it

Not being here.

Driving on an overpass, how quick to jump

This too shall pass.

Looking at the bottle of pain pills, easy

Takes the pain away.

Looking into the future, it’s not clear

Sadly it’s filled with fear.

Injured from years Dr’s say neglect

And yet

I’m writing this. Am I the strong friend

The one no one checks on. Sometimes

take it day by day, telling the enemy go

away . I don’t want none of your time,

I got mine and I’m gonna be fine.

I learned of a local news reporter today

Who took her life, didn’t know her but

Tears automatically.

On a random night in ICU , i was there

Asking God to take me away

The toughest headache, the sharpest nerve

Pain, more drugs came, the feeling left

For a second.

The point is I’ve been there no judgement

What gets me through?

I’ve asked forgiveness for the wretched

Person i was to merge with the grown up

Man i am today.

Music also has been a great relief, songs

That have preached to me, spoken to me

One such song is the title to this freewrite

“Hold up the light” 3 amazing voices I

Heard talking to me and i thought

Maybe I’m the light? Is this what I’m here

For? Love, Light ,Fight for what’s right?

IDK life is crazy man. You still got me.

I ask for guidance Universe. let me be your

Vessel. I ask humbly to be a light in this

World of darkness…..

©️MarcusCaesar

…loading new life in 3.2.1

essay, life, World events

new-life-fresh-start-CPBJNM

One month ago today, my job was eliminated. It’s a prime example of be careful of what you ask for or you just might get it. My co-workers and I used to joke about getting paid to stay at home and guess what happened….

It’s a shocker for sure because i’d heard it happen and read of it happening but to see it actually happen in real time? Knocks you on your ass. There were a lot of technical issues that day, but we still didn’t think it was gonna be a Purge situation….

A month later to reflect and here’s the thing…you ready for it?  I don’t miss it, I met some great people but being cursed out on a daily basis for something I couldn’t fix was not my ideal work environment. While I wont bash the company I worked for those 2 years because hey I signed up for it and my bills were paid and it literally does me no good and it doesn’t make me feel better. That chapter of my life is done….

What’s next you want to know? World Domination *inserts* evil laugh. Honestly the world is open to me now in a way that I’d never felt before. Should I

  •  move overseas and teach English?
  •  try a new field that I’ve been interested in but scared to try (graphic design)
  • be a well paid (there’s a difference) sex-worker with clients across the globe
  • go full fledged actor+writer+creator and move to LA
  • go backpacking in Europe or Asia
  • create new content and study more while finding a job that pays well

I mean the list can go on and on and it’s all thanks to ?!*+%&=@!!!! You know who you are buddy. I’m gonna make sure that the next path I choose is not fear based. That I know for sure.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

Marcus Caesar

 

 

Happy Birthday to me 😊

poetry

year 38 is here!

universe says another year my dear

i’m acting , i’m traveling

meeting new people

loving myself more

Suddenly it clicks

the present is a gift

breathe, relax , enjoy

show love, be love

blessed

©️MarcusCaesar

💖Universe have my back 💓

essay, life


You want the best for everyone 

Including yourself 

I need a miracle 

I want to move to another place to 

Practice my art, fulfill my hearts desire 

Fear, finances, hold me back

I send light to receive light

This is my call to the universe 

Help me in anyway you can

Guide me

To the situations, people, places 

My heart is full of gratitude for

What’s to come

I work hard, now I have to work smart 

By the end of 2017 I plan to be settled in

Send me your positivity

Send me your magic 

Help make my dreams come true 🙏🏽

©MarcusCaesar

Snack on this (thoughts in waiting)

life, poetry, poetry creative writing


I enjoy eating 

Fast foods, Snackfoods, good foods, bad foods 

It’s my armor

Invisible, seen, antisocial, mean

I choose this

Hard to quit, Easy to get, goes down smooth 

It’s how I cope

Sexuality, obesity, debt, stuck

I pray about it 

Love, money, purpose, relationships

It gets better, doesn’t it?  Hope. 

©MarcusCaesar

*i don’t own the image, Image is courtesy of google images*

a pinch of fear, a trace of hope…

creative non-fiction, life, poetry, poetry creative writing

It’s all about me

The way I’ve learned to be

Take care of myself, cause no one else will 

Going ever so slowly through the fog

Legs, heart hurting from it all 

Constant moving but in place 

It’s hard to hold up my face 

Because then you’ll see the truth 

I fake it until I make it, shame there’s a

Trace would my family and friends think

Me a disgrace?

I talk and talk and talk with no much follow 

Through… gotta begin anew
This prayer I Trace on my lips from my heart

Dear God,

Hear me loud and clear 

I’ve walked through life with life altering fear

Trust faltered; willpower diminished 

We talk a lot, my mind cloudy, mouth hot

I ask please forget me not

Things I wanna do but scared of failure 

I ask for your guidance for the big step 

I want to take 

Be near me, talk with me 

Help me understand that you help those whom

Help themselves that’s how you lend

A helping hand. Amen 

©MarcusCaesar