Clear Vision for 2018

poetry

Black queer artist visionary

Truth

told you ain’t right, burn in hell

False

Stifle that talk, walk a different walk

Naomi

Into your purpose, never too late.

©️MarcusCaesar

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I’m a keep going….

creative non-fiction, essay


There’s a lyric in one of my favorite songs that states “I believe in miracles because it’s a miracle I’m here”. It resonates with me because of its profound truth to my life. Breathe 

I thank you Universe for instilling in me a resilience that can only be supernatural. I think long and hard too much honestly about what the world would be without me in it. Breathe

I’ve been inside literally and figuratively because I didn’t think I had much to offer, this person was more talented or this dude’s body looked better. It’s not a “girly” thing. It’s a human thing. Breathe 

As I near 40 years on this earth and I am now putting myself out there showing that I’m  a presence that won’t be denied, I’m figuring out that THIS is what the universe has wanted from and for me all along. I just had to get outta my own way. Breathe 

Fat, unattractive, and untalented all these things I’ve thought of myself . There is  Gratitude in feeling that the Universe has never let me get to the point of the great escape. This journey ain’t easy but I’m here.

And so I take a deep breath, soak it in. 

©MarcusCaesar

P.S the video that inspired this post is from @thechristishow, someone who is very talented and hilarious. Follow her on all social media platforms, you won’t be disappointed.

Belief is only part of the puzzle 

poetry

The clearing

Space

Wants 

Thoughts of negativity 

The awakening mind

Mind 

Needs 

Positive reinforcement 

The universe 

Sees

Me

As I am

The force 

Awakens

Creativity 

Moving forward 

My eyes

Look

To  Believe

That everything and

Anything is

Possible 

I choose this life

I choose this hope

Can’t settle for less

Nope

©MarcusCaesar

Me, Me,Me Yep that’s right…

creativewriting, life, poetry, poetry creative writing

“”I bow my head

Won’t let my focus change 

I’ve feared for so long 

What would you, they, them think 

What would my future self think 

The universe replied

And so I oblige 

Have faith you’re being guided

So it’s been decided 

To make art, open my heart

In another place, space new energy field 

I ask for best wishes 

The last time I speak on it 

Don’t want to appear weak on it

I’m  Focused on manifesting my dreams 

As crazy as they may seem to

YOU 

I bow my head , pray to be lead

In the right direction.

©MarcusCaesar
Photo Courtesy of Pinterest 

Act as if you have it and it’s yours….a parable 

creativewriting, Parable, Short Stories

“I need more from you, it seems as if your holding back” says the director on our first meeting about our project. I know this. I got this. but this criticism still stinging.I prepped and racked my brain to give this character life. I studied the greats trying to capture their spirit and put together their essence with my own perhaps this was my first mistake.
First off, I’m new to this, raw unfiltered emotional dude who loves this woman and she dares not to love him enough. The role did spark a fire in me that while always there, was damned due to my insecurity in allowing the negative comments from years past to penetrate my consciousness and never break free from it. In preparation I fasted, I exercised, my mind and my heart to get it right. I got this. I know this. 

The third rehearsal goes something like this “have you ever felt when someone told you something and you know it is untrue but you still listen”? the director says looking stern and uncompromising not a smile in site.
My reply….. I know the feeling well it seems like this is my way of living all the time, the world has a contract to tell people what they want to hear be gentle they say, don’t hurt feelings they say, and have us walk around thinking we are something that we are not. I got this. I know this. The up coming weeks go by fast and with each rehearsal I feel better, I feel supported, I feel the universe is with me every step of the way. Feedback is great, I’m on top of the world on this particular day I meet the playwright she loves how the piece flows but thinks a song is needed to push the piece into the stratosphere.
I’m excited thinking I can do more, I can be more bring my full self. I sing the song in rehearsal but you can hear a pin drop. Silence. Is this good? It seems like 20 minutes have gone by and then I hear the directors uncompromising and stern voice….”are you comfortable with this? Because you really can’t sing and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we are gonna have to get it together or find an alternative”. Rehearsal ended but the comment/critique set with me, ate with me, came to bed with me that night. It rises in me as I started each day. What do I do? Quit the show and go back into my shell? Stay in dreamland and live there for the rest of my days? I mean it is my favorite place. Can you guess what I did?
I regrouped, picked myself up and realized that while I was nowhere near where I wanted to be I could get there with practice and tenacity. I prayed, practiced and I meditated. First show of the run. Nerves. Sweat on the brow. Lips shaking. Well wisher’s, crowd silenced, some laughs and it’s the end. Standing ovation. I’m shocked looking at my leading lady who was also shocked. They actually liked it. I’m elated that I didn’t muck it up, I have a talk with spirit that same night while I try to explain my feelings about the experience, the emotion and my goal for the duration of the rest of the shows I feel a chilled finger pressed against my lip not allowing me to speak.
” you feel it now don’t you, it was always there. You compare with no one. You are your own person with your own gifts, talents and technique. Will you be everyone’s taste? No. You were not designed that way. The people you have met and critiqued you were to strengthen you, push you to go farther then you knew you were capable of. I’m proud of you and I know there’s a lot you want to say but you do realize I already know the words you want to say. You Recreateand create that’s why you’re here, don’t ever doubt, always trust and believe. You’ve enjoyed my work on this planet and now I demand you give this same courtesy to every living soul out there, don’t make me come back and give this speech again”.
Spirit then smiles and gets up to go. I’m trying to speak and maybe say thank you, get words out but that something keeps my lips in place I then hear clear as day like a song… “I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love” she then fades away. I knew I was always loved at that moment.
©MarcusCaesar

Stop the B.S 

life, poetry

I say this to myself 

As I take the stage

Fight your fears 

Recite your favorite poems

Be adventurous 

Sing that song (even if you aren’t great)

Take pictures 

Of yourself 

Love yourself 

Look in the mirror 

Smile

Don’t take it so seriously 

Hell you write the lines

Just follow your writings…..

©MarcusCaesar

Finding Out… Part 1

life, poetry, Uncategorized
searching_new_life

Photo Credit: Bing Images

All over the place these

Thoughts of mines trying to

Get it together

 

I wanted to do everything

Creativity formed at birth

So what has stopped me?

 

A fear, opinions, lies

Of someone else’s experiences

Branded on me since birth

 

Took time to form my own

I’m on my path

Stars have aligned

Watch out here I come

 

©2016 CaesarMarques

 

Some Puzzle Pieces Wont Fit…

life, poetry, Uncategorized
dontfitin-700x700-300x300

Photo credit: Bing Images

I bought some new shoes

Now it takes away the blues

Walking strong alone

 

I bought a new car

Moonroof and leather seats

Am I ever gonna get to share these treats

 

I bought some jewelry

Gold shining in the light

Whose hand am I holding tonight?

 

I bought a new home

Marble counters and jetted tub

Life is great dinner’s ready at 8

 

I bought a new body

6 pack abs and ego to match

Attitude strong no problems here

 

I bought a new life

Found out it didn’t fulfill what was inside

All the insecurities I tried to hide.

 

©2016 CaesarMarques

When unavailable feels so good…

life, poetry, Uncategorized
piccit_forbidden_love_608469096.640x0

photo credit: bing.com/images

When the sun sets our tongues collide

I’ve been waiting for you strong

The pressure mounts the thoughts seep

Through sweat through our pores why

Didn’t I ever ignore the signs you showed

My feelings were bold truth be told I didn’t

Wouldn’t care these sweet nothings were ours

To share between us too but deep down I knew

You didn’t have to tell me I saw in your gifts

The weekend visits the out of town trips

My heart can’t take much more of this ache

My feelings I forsake for the sanctity of your hands

In mines. It’s not meant to be I don’t want to be on

The side watching family pics on IG wishing that was me

That’s not the life I see for myself

It won’t feel the same without you but

It’s a price I have to pay there can be no other way

I’ll miss your lip quiver when my tongue touched that space

And I’ll also miss that smile on your face

My life will go on this I know to be true

I’m making this the ending for me and you.

©2016 Caesar Marques

 

Express Yourself….

creative non-fiction, essay, life
Photo Courtesy of ANTM

Photo Courtesy of ANTM

It’s not me, sorry its fashion photography. A way to express what you feel inside or not. Selling clothes and or dreams, baubles and diamonds. I’ve always been interested in becoming something else. Through modeling, acting and just plain pretend my expression game was strong. Salt-n-Pepa rapped a song, Madonna wrote a smash hit on the subject, im gonna let it out.

Years passed, being noticed became the focus. My ideas lost on the surface trying the new clothes, the new objects to become cool. I lost myself because we all know that we wanna be adored for who we are and sometimes for who we are not. My sexuality became wrapped up in it liking girls, liking boys liking nothing at all. I had to decide, go broke being what others wanna see or go broke doing me.

Tattoos with sayings came into view, colorful clothes bathed my big body. I didn’t care the situation was mine to control. Live by my rules or die. Friends be damned the right ones would come to appreciate a dude who lives by his own code, lives to love and slowly growing to love to live.

Admiring his tattooed body, admiring her strong cheek bones and kick ass nature became the norm. I wanna be like them or what the picture shows. Rebel not caring either way. lose friends gain friends lose love gain love it’s all a game.The problem is I’m ready to play, with my heart with my soul find the golden rules change them all, in the name of expressing myself.

I’m not getting any younger the world is becoming more accepting of me.I shouldnt care but sometimes I do. Wrapped up in Facebook likes and retweets it gets addicting, the need for approval. I/it has to stop. My need to stand out is strong. I’m becoming more and more myself everyday and the people who love me for it are who im gonna stick by. expression through music, movies, acting, fashion are what im about.

Join in. Lets start a revolution!

CaesarMarques