Do men have biological clocks to? I’ve been wondering because when I see fathers with their kids I have a slight case of longing, like I’m missing something. I am 5 years from 40 so that could be it. I also have 12 nieces and nephews that I can see for a weekend and be ready to send them home afterwards. Theres nothing like having your own. My situation is different in the fact that I’m 90% sure I will not end up with a lady as my life partner. I don’t know if you people know this and be prepared to be blown away if you don’t, two men CAN NOT biologically have children. Crazy ain’t it.
That leaves some options though:
Surrogacy- I hear it costs a shit ton of money but you get to pick your surrogate and the child has your genes but again you need money.
Adoption- Costs Money (of course) Options on where to pick your child from anywhere in the world that won’t deny a single parent or even worse a gay couple.
Pretending to be Straight, Knocking up a lady and suing for primary custody: Costs money and takes too much time. You’d have to get courts involved, hurt feelings everywhere. It’s still an option.
Where do I go from here? Continue to daydream and hope a stork drops one out of the sky? It’s still in the planning stages because there are men who do this as a single parent which I know isn’t easy. I can barely afford to clothe and feed myself and now I want a kid? Hard to believe for some but my heart is good and I’d make a wonderful but stern teddy bear of a dad. Just thought I’d throw this out into the universe.
Now to go make some money or better yet marry some money 😉
Watching the Bruce Jenner interview on ABC got me to thinking about my own life and what it means to live a true authentic life at any age. Knowing you are different and choosing not to honor it can have many repercussions on your psyche, your life and your mental state. Its not easy to go against what society thinks or what your family has raised you to be.
As I get older I believe that we choose the life thats less painful for us. We want to be accepted at a young age for who and what we are but peer pressure and puberty can do a job on confusing the feelings. It did on me for sure. I’ve always had feelings for boys since I was a young kid not thinking there was strange about it. That was until I told a fellow female classmate I thought another dude was cute, shit hit the fan and then I realized that maybe I should keep all my feelings to myself.I guess it didnt help that I had a fashionista for a big sister while watching her and her quest to look better than everybody else, I wanted to as well.
Elementary school couldnt tell me nothing about clothing. I was the flyest dude in that school at least I thought. Did they talk about me? Hell to the yeah, but I really don’t remember caring as much. In fact I thought I looked so good I wanted to be a model. Then middle school happened. It seemed that every bad thing people thought of me AMPLIFIED in my mind so I ate and slept. We wore uniforms so there wasn’t a big fashion craze at the school but on certain days when there was a free day I wore my best outfits. Lol It kinda of gotten to a point where personal hygiene wasn’t as important as it should’ve been and let me tell ya BAD IDEA!
So I ate and slept some more then High School happened, I was a huge, smelly mess of a dude all to hide the REAL me. I became known as the Smart-Ass around the school, people talked about me but it never got physical for me. I believe there is a big difference in my mind between teasing and being bullied. I was teased but I still gained a best friend and people who were cool with me for some reason or another. I rarely dated if ever so I didnt have the quintessental teenage guy experience that is so awkwardly portrayed on TV and Film.
Some people started to suspect as I grew up and left High School that I was into dudes. The world was a bitter cold place to me and I admired and envied those folks who could be themselves. I started working for a grocery store in the suburbs when I was 19 and I saw all these colorful people who were just fine as they were and accepted me as such. Walls that I placed around myself s l o w l y came crashing down. I started dating dudes more while testing the waters with family asking specific questions about other people seeing the reactions.
In my world today I still get nervous when talking about my life with co-workers, new friends etc. I believe the Internet helped in a big way with information, connections with like-minded people and such. My family is supportive for the most part but I haven’t brought anyone home yet so that may or may not change. Freedom for me would be not caring at all what anyone else thinks and doing me to the best of my ability. Thank you Bruce for your inspiring story and waking me up to realize what true authentic courage is. My journey to freedom starts today..
P.S The young lady singing one of my favorite anthems is Emeli Sande. She’s incredible and if you’ve never heard her albums, treat yourself. We also share a birthday!!!
Long hard look
Flexing eyebrows, eyes that change colors with the sun
Long conversations from topics, silly to profound
How long will my addiction to this affliction?
Better
Same type of music gets us going, the 2-step we both do
Gleaming teeth, moist lips that speak words we only understand
How could this be between man and man?
Doubt
Feeling some type of way, mind cant comprehend
Light skin, greenish-blue veins that shine so loudly
Is it only my truth or are you feeling it too?
Superpower
Subtle signs, a belly laugh, a smile that lights the room
I tell a joke and everyone laughs but you I search for recognition
That you feel the same as I do PLEASE universe give me permission.
Jealous
The teeth, the smile, Its all passionate but as i look around
I see a beautiful lady who’s got it all and our connection is nowhere to be found
It hits me again, the curse of the friendly straight dude who’s just living his life
Being a friend is all he can offer and all I can do is bite
As i’m learning more and more about activism on all sides,when doing research it is good to know some celebrities share my sentiments on issues relating to me. In this case the LGBT community. We still have a ways to go for equality but I stand in faith that someday soon we will all have the same rights across the board.
koolest1uknow 