
My Silent is loud!
Shell breaking, tongue quaking
Eyes open becomes speech
©️MarcusCaesar
When is the time or
the place but allow me some space
to speak on being an Underdog
the unfavored one , expected to lose
it goes to show that no one knows
what pulsates under the chest
working hard to give your best
around more experience, more life-lived
give it time and I’ll find a way
through my quiet determination
no I’m not flashy, but i work hard
no disrespect, don’t count me out
you have no idea what I’m about
train hard, train long, sing your own song
rebel yell, under any circumstances prevail
know I’m in your corner
look at you now
all pumped up and proud
i see you, i am you, i know the feeling
ramble over
©️Marcus Caesar
I thank you Universe for instilling in me a resilience that can only be supernatural. I think long and hard too much honestly about what the world would be without me in it. Breathe
I’ve been inside literally and figuratively because I didn’t think I had much to offer, this person was more talented or this dude’s body looked better. It’s not a “girly” thing. It’s a human thing. Breathe
As I near 40 years on this earth and I am now putting myself out there showing that I’m a presence that won’t be denied, I’m figuring out that THIS is what the universe has wanted from and for me all along. I just had to get outta my own way. Breathe
Fat, unattractive, and untalented all these things I’ve thought of myself . There is Gratitude in feeling that the Universe has never let me get to the point of the great escape. This journey ain’t easy but I’m here.
And so I take a deep breath, soak it in.
©MarcusCaesar
P.S the video that inspired this post is from @thechristishow, someone who is very talented and hilarious. Follow her on all social media platforms, you won’t be disappointed.
Space
Wants
Thoughts of negativity
The awakening mind
Mind
Needs
Positive reinforcement
The universe
Sees
Me
As I am
The force
Awakens
Creativity
Moving forward
My eyes
Look
To Believe
That everything and
Anything is
Possible
I choose this life
I choose this hope
Can’t settle for less
Nope
©MarcusCaesar
Won’t let my focus change
I’ve feared for so long
What would you, they, them think
What would my future self think
The universe replied
And so I oblige
Have faith you’re being guided
So it’s been decided
To make art, open my heart
In another place, space new energy field
I ask for best wishes
The last time I speak on it
Don’t want to appear weak on it
I’m Focused on manifesting my dreams
As crazy as they may seem to
YOU
I bow my head , pray to be lead
In the right direction.
©MarcusCaesar
Photo Courtesy of Pinterest
“I need more from you, it seems as if your holding back” says the director on our first meeting about our project. I know this. I got this. but this criticism still stinging.I prepped and racked my brain to give this character life. I studied the greats trying to capture their spirit and put together their essence with my own perhaps this was my first mistake.
First off, I’m new to this, raw unfiltered emotional dude who loves this woman and she dares not to love him enough. The role did spark a fire in me that while always there, was damned due to my insecurity in allowing the negative comments from years past to penetrate my consciousness and never break free from it. In preparation I fasted, I exercised, my mind and my heart to get it right. I got this. I know this.
The third rehearsal goes something like this “have you ever felt when someone told you something and you know it is untrue but you still listen”? the director says looking stern and uncompromising not a smile in site.
My reply….. I know the feeling well it seems like this is my way of living all the time, the world has a contract to tell people what they want to hear be gentle they say, don’t hurt feelings they say, and have us walk around thinking we are something that we are not. I got this. I know this. The up coming weeks go by fast and with each rehearsal I feel better, I feel supported, I feel the universe is with me every step of the way. Feedback is great, I’m on top of the world on this particular day I meet the playwright she loves how the piece flows but thinks a song is needed to push the piece into the stratosphere.
I’m excited thinking I can do more, I can be more bring my full self. I sing the song in rehearsal but you can hear a pin drop. Silence. Is this good? It seems like 20 minutes have gone by and then I hear the directors uncompromising and stern voice….”are you comfortable with this? Because you really can’t sing and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we are gonna have to get it together or find an alternative”. Rehearsal ended but the comment/critique set with me, ate with me, came to bed with me that night. It rises in me as I started each day. What do I do? Quit the show and go back into my shell? Stay in dreamland and live there for the rest of my days? I mean it is my favorite place. Can you guess what I did?
I regrouped, picked myself up and realized that while I was nowhere near where I wanted to be I could get there with practice and tenacity. I prayed, practiced and I meditated. First show of the run. Nerves. Sweat on the brow. Lips shaking. Well wisher’s, crowd silenced, some laughs and it’s the end. Standing ovation. I’m shocked looking at my leading lady who was also shocked. They actually liked it. I’m elated that I didn’t muck it up, I have a talk with spirit that same night while I try to explain my feelings about the experience, the emotion and my goal for the duration of the rest of the shows I feel a chilled finger pressed against my lip not allowing me to speak.
” you feel it now don’t you, it was always there. You compare with no one. You are your own person with your own gifts, talents and technique. Will you be everyone’s taste? No. You were not designed that way. The people you have met and critiqued you were to strengthen you, push you to go farther then you knew you were capable of. I’m proud of you and I know there’s a lot you want to say but you do realize I already know the words you want to say. You Recreateand create that’s why you’re here, don’t ever doubt, always trust and believe. You’ve enjoyed my work on this planet and now I demand you give this same courtesy to every living soul out there, don’t make me come back and give this speech again”.
Spirit then smiles and gets up to go. I’m trying to speak and maybe say thank you, get words out but that something keeps my lips in place I then hear clear as day like a song… “I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love” she then fades away. I knew I was always loved at that moment.
©MarcusCaesar
I say this to myself
As I take the stage
Fight your fears
Recite your favorite poems
Be adventurous
Sing that song (even if you aren’t great)
Take pictures
Of yourself
Love yourself
Look in the mirror
Smile
Don’t take it so seriously
Hell you write the lines
Just follow your writings…..
©MarcusCaesar
wanna shine
i step back
because of “what they think”
creative life
my own limitations
are blinding me
can’t won’t see
compliments from peeps
watching stars Glaring
trying to be free
of the old me
wipe the mirror dude
see yourself
be yourself
walk into the light
u have the fight
gonna get it right
someday is tonight
while sounds of blackness
optimistic plays in the background
©MarcusCaesar
It’s been the same
Scared of change
Im a creative creature
I thrive off of creating worlds
I didn’t share, caring what you thought
It’s been simmering
Percolating under the surface
Doing myself a disservice
Been Dormant; long enough
Fear as my crutch
I’m gonna, I wanna share my art
My heart is in a different place
No this won’t erase the past
All I ask is for patience, time
I’m trying to figure it all out
Scream and shout let it all out
My voice, my soul , no control
Getting uncomfortable
Just you wait and see
The fire I have in me……..
©MarcusCaesar

Hey Everyone, I don’t believe I did this last year. I’m gonna do a synopsis of how my year has gone down with the help of gifs (love them). My goal next year is to contribute more to this space so you can get to know me better through words and photography, I think I may do a whole redesign of the blog but we shall see…….
All I Ask
I was in a temporary job in which I didn’t love just getting by in the start of the year. I was working a shift that didn’t allow me to do any of my creative endeavors that 2015 had me interested in (acting classes, doing plays etc) my thought process was do a good job and you may become permanent. So I did, perfect attendance and stellar call quality according to my superiors I wouldnt been a model permanent employee, but because this was still considered temporary I took other interviews hoping for a full-time permanent position. I’m asking the heavens to bless me with full-time employment so I don’t default on my car loan, credit cards, student loans etc…
No
I got let go from that temporary job with the reasoning “They just don’t feel you are long-term employee material”. My question is who is? Do I want to stay making Lil money with a fucking bachelors degree? No. So I am going to better myself AND search for other opportunities while working, it only makes sense right? So they were right in retrospect, as soon as I found another opportunity I was out of there quick, fast and in a hurry. Luckily I qualified for unemployment benefits that got me through bills-wise. I already had trouble with stress and depression tied to my self-worth and this little setback didn’t do anything to help matters.
Darkness and Light
When summer started to roll in, so did me eating my feelings and feeling down because I’m going to interviews upon interviews and still nothing. One company I interviewed with twice and they were known to hire any and everybody…….. but not me. Bitches

My favorite part of the summer? I decided to take singing lessons to keep my creative juices flowing and I thought i was okay at it on the way to being stellar at it. It was a testament to me doing something I’ve always wanted to do and finding a way to get it done. I met some cool ladies there who were all in the same boat I was in (learning) and it was a highlight of my year.Middle of the summer I decided to check out a play that one of my acting teachers wrote and it starred a couple of peeps I had acting classes with, I happened to sit with The Lady H another acting classmate who was also there for support as well. I went through my story and she offered to go over my resume and give me tips on how to stand out in a crowded employment field. She spruced up my resume and sent me links to some openings and encouraged me to join LinkedIn. The Lady H was a blessing beyond words and I thank God i was able to get out of my own way and not turn down help because of pride and what not.
Ultralight Beam
I wanted to share my writings with the world and so I decided that I would submit some of my poetry for publication. I learned that you really should read the publications you are submitting to, needless to say my selections didn’t get picked and a valuable lesson was learned. Score one for experience……I woke up one morning in July and while trying to rush to the bathroom for my morning whizz, my mother hit me with the news that my cousin had passed. He was only 2 years older than me, we weren’t close to be honest, that was a product of my insecurities being around straight dudes and what not, but when we did see each other it was all love. I was in the midst of taking singing lessons and he was a music producer. Who knows what could have happened if we mixed and I had opened up about this part of my life. I try not to dwell on the what could have beens. Rest In Paradise
Breathing Underwater
Hot, Humid August rolls around my unemployment benefits are at an end, resubmit my updated polished resume to all the different job search engines and I get some calls. Interviews roll through and I get 2 job offers in one day. Which do I choose? It came down to the schedules being offered and so I chose cable. I’m still there, going on the 5 month mark. Some days are longer and harder than others but that is to be expected in Customer Service. I’m still playing catch-up with getting my self-love back on track, I did connect with some cool people on social media whom I could consider friends, maybe one day I’ll share some vocal stylings on this here blog. 😉 I traveled to Toronto a place I’ve always wanted to visit and I booked a trip to Los Angeles in February 2017 , so more travel is definitely on my itinerary for this upcoming year. I learned I am resilient, confident at times, lazy, undeniably cool, charming and blessed.
So 2017 I’m ready for you……Let’s

©Marcus-Caesar
*gifs courtesy of Giphy.com*