Whodini has a song about them….

creative non-fiction, essay, memoir, Uncategorized
funnyfriends

photo courtesy of pinterest.com

I admit it, sometimes I don’t want to talk. Sometimes I dont want to go out on the town and have a drink or three. Your constant stories and escapades about how you are getting laid is just a reminder that I’m not. I wont text you everyday because I feel like I’m a bother. That being said, I’m a great friend to have. I like to support my friends, hang with them ( doing new things is always a plus) eat with them and generally learn more about your lives. I get immense joy from finding out something that I would have never have guessed because of preconceived notions about you.

I always found it easy to make friends with females because guess what we both like men. When I wasnt down with admitting it, it was always at the back of mind. It was kind of like an information hunt for me what is there to know, what nudes can I see of your man-friends :-). My issue in making friends with other dudes was my fault i just came to realize. In my journey of being totally authentic in everything i did, I regarded most straight dudes with the same feeling. They wouldn’t like me if I was authentically me. That, I found out wasnt totally true but it was good to believe so I could keep folks at a distance, I would hide certain facts, try to know about sports and or players on such sport teams and so on. That kept most dudes from asking questions. It was also easy to assume that I was straight because I’m a big dude and I don’t dress gay (yeah I don’t know what that means either).

This post came up because I was cool with someone I met last year. Some of the same interests and it was cool talking to another dude while being my authentic self and not feeling judged for it. I started to notice that I was the only one initiating the meetings. My mind started to come up with some dastardly scenarios (as one mind does). Was I clingy? Did he feel sorry for me and that’s why he was acting like my friend? Were we really friends? A lot of people use that term very loosely. It was strange to me because we went deep on both sides while telling our stories. This year I reached out twice and while there was a response of I’ll let you know what my week is like. That was in April, It’s almost Sept. I guess his week was like leave me alone, I don’t wanna fucking be around you.

Was this a test from the universe? Telling me to let my guard down and let the chips fall where they may. To see if I could take the heat of a friendship that I created in my head AND be willing to give it another go round without closing up again and again. Letting folks in with no promise of reciprocation? Could it be also true that what goes around comes around and I have acted the same way and didn’t know it? So many questions. I believe I am miles away from where I was as far as being open and honest. I do have friends I’ve known a long time that I love dearly, as i get older i realize closing myself off wont help me.

This summer has taught me that having a network to help can be crucial in me being a successful person. Getting help is not weak. You can do a lot alone but you can do more especially with people who genuinely want to help you. I’m gonna pay it forward. Be open to possibilities all over the place who knows what could happen right?  I’ll be crazy and I’ll be cool, I’ll work on sexy and all the right people will come into my life right?

 

©MarcusCaesar

Vocal Warmup

life, poetry, Uncategorized

stock-photo-senior-music-teacher-pointing-to-a-music-board-72910063

Find your natural voice the teacher says

Never knowing the price the past paid

In losing such a valuable instrument.

Sounding like a girl when you’re supposed

 To be a man can let down your spirits

Up your guard and unknowingly make your life hard

Find your natural voice the teacher says

No falsetto, strong and proud

I wanna hear your voice so sing it loud

Pick a song any song share your gift with the world

I’m here for a reason to help you understand

Voices come in all shapes and sizes

Its time you realizes that we won’t all

Sound the same, look the same

I can’t pretend to understand your pain

But I can help you become aware

Gifts so rare that not everyone gets it

It’s for the tried and true alone

Give it some time your flower will be full blown

Luther, Freddie, Donny, Sam, Michael and Prince

Shared, cared and paved the way with musical talent

Beyond compare, so how dare you

Not treat this gift with the utmost care

Nurture it, teach it, stretch it

Find your natural voice the teacher says

I will I reply give me some time

Learn for this gift, use this gift

Share this gift because God gave me this gift.

 

©MarcusCaesar

It’s always on my mind.

essay, life, memoir, Uncategorized
thoughts

photo courtesy of Bing.com/images

Hi. I’m a mess.

I came back from a road trip recently and some things popped in my head when my best friend said to me on the way home “I thought you were going to get loose, everyone seemed open except you.” Well thanks best friend, if I didn’t like you so much I would’ve pushed you out at the rest area. (I kid) I hate to replay the same narrative over and over so I’ll just say this what people has said about me in the past, I tend to think in the present.

People were not nice in the past, let me tell ya. I believed and believe you have to look a certain way, act a certain way to get what you want. In my choosing not to, I’m being a rebel, original and also single, not wealthy and so on and so forth. It’s all in my thoughts right? I’ve read somewhere that thoughts become things, what you think will ultimately be what manifests in real life.

In short, I’m doing horrible at this.

I want to change. I really do.

It’s been a rough 2016 so far. Want to find my light and keep it.

 

CaesarMarques

 

Finding Out… Part 1

life, poetry, Uncategorized
searching_new_life

Photo Credit: Bing Images

All over the place these

Thoughts of mines trying to

Get it together

 

I wanted to do everything

Creativity formed at birth

So what has stopped me?

 

A fear, opinions, lies

Of someone else’s experiences

Branded on me since birth

 

Took time to form my own

I’m on my path

Stars have aligned

Watch out here I come

 

©2016 CaesarMarques

 

Some Puzzle Pieces Wont Fit…

life, poetry, Uncategorized
dontfitin-700x700-300x300

Photo credit: Bing Images

I bought some new shoes

Now it takes away the blues

Walking strong alone

 

I bought a new car

Moonroof and leather seats

Am I ever gonna get to share these treats

 

I bought some jewelry

Gold shining in the light

Whose hand am I holding tonight?

 

I bought a new home

Marble counters and jetted tub

Life is great dinner’s ready at 8

 

I bought a new body

6 pack abs and ego to match

Attitude strong no problems here

 

I bought a new life

Found out it didn’t fulfill what was inside

All the insecurities I tried to hide.

 

©2016 CaesarMarques

When unavailable feels so good…

life, poetry, Uncategorized
piccit_forbidden_love_608469096.640x0

photo credit: bing.com/images

When the sun sets our tongues collide

I’ve been waiting for you strong

The pressure mounts the thoughts seep

Through sweat through our pores why

Didn’t I ever ignore the signs you showed

My feelings were bold truth be told I didn’t

Wouldn’t care these sweet nothings were ours

To share between us too but deep down I knew

You didn’t have to tell me I saw in your gifts

The weekend visits the out of town trips

My heart can’t take much more of this ache

My feelings I forsake for the sanctity of your hands

In mines. It’s not meant to be I don’t want to be on

The side watching family pics on IG wishing that was me

That’s not the life I see for myself

It won’t feel the same without you but

It’s a price I have to pay there can be no other way

I’ll miss your lip quiver when my tongue touched that space

And I’ll also miss that smile on your face

My life will go on this I know to be true

I’m making this the ending for me and you.

©2016 Caesar Marques

 

Artistic Prerogative?

poetry, Uncategorized

214258-Quotes+by+famous+artists++++Separating the artist from the art. Its kind of hard to take them apart.

He hates the LGBT community and so does she but I love the art they put

into the world. Question comes up should I support or should I abort

all media from these people who don’t agree with my life

and no it’s not a lifestyle, I could go for miles running my mouth

about how hypocritical these artists are, problem is my arguments

wont go very far. Many people talk but not a lot of people listen would

they really stop and pay attention? what I feel is valid and what you feel

is valid too lets both live our lives making it do what it do. I listen to some

music because its inspirational, the universe helped you sing that song to

help everyone including me, member of the LGBT. When you pass I will mourn

you and the art you shared for you were an inspiration, one of those who dared

be unapologetically who you were. A lesson for us all

©2016 CaesarMarques

Lightskinned GodFather

creative non-fiction, essay, life, Uncategorized

prince

Ipod turned up loud passing on seems to do that to an artist you’ve admired for so long

the music loud and fierce never saw you live but from what ive heard that concert was one

not to miss the TV performances are what I gauge my fascination on that’s right he’s gone.

The Beautiful Ones-Brilliant

Kiss- Sexy

I wanna be your Lover -Magnificent

Diamonds and Pearls- Ultimate Love Song

Sexy MF -Manifesto

Growing up lighter skinned black it felt like you were our compass on how we shouldn’t

act. You were deemed soft so we all were soft, you dressed in a way that was all your own

There you were unapologetically light, permed, sometimes made up one time ass all out

I was young I didn’t know or care what that was all about. In the later years your artistry

never waned you taught us light-skinned men that we can be beautiful, hair layed,

eyebrows done and still have a shit ton of fun. It wasn’t about sexuality so much it was

freedom of expression. Fuck the box. Create your own lane. There will never be another.

I believe in my heart of hearts this is what you’d want. No facsimiles.

Create our own space. Be your own individual. Shock the world. Live on your own terms.

You will never leave because music never dies. R.I.P

©2016 CaesarMarques

 

Photo Courtesy of Bing Images

We R Who We R

creative non-fiction, poetry, Uncategorized
words

Photo Courtesy of Bing Images

In 1980, the foundation was solid, hearts were filled, joy was released

peace had been found a new entity was in town.

Growing up not knowing how he felt was considered wrong he clawed

and he clawed but ultimately felt all alone.

Then it came, teenage years hit like a brick, hygiene less than perfect

fitting in was the goal, slowly selling his soul.

The property fell in decay, all that promise slowly started going away

he had much to say but didn’t feel safe enough to say it.

Oh, many people tried to get behind the wall others just teased

family plus friends et all.

Shut down, anti social, a brick home no foundation just a lot of  furniture

send people away it’s for the best don’t you see the S on this chest?

Late 20’s a merger was announced, spirit and joy came to rescue your boy

and things started turning around.

It shows what happens when investing in yourself because let’s face it, it could be no one else

that will take care of things like you can.

Are things perfect not at all he’s still scared to fall but knows there’s a net

and a light that never fails and likea great angelic spirit this dude will prevail.

©CaesarMarques 2016

Is it still a block if…

creativewriting, essay, Uncategorized

Msbookish

I’ve complained of writers block in my head for a while now. It was getting better when I came across a book of story prompts that got my imagination going and doing them each day was exciting. I lost that fire, in the midst of it all my temporary position ended and the search for a new position started and I had to prioritize my time and the writing got left on the back burner. It’s not that I’m void of ideas, I keep my iPhone notes app plenty busy with nuggets of inspiration from reading posts on Facebook to some lyrics in a song that spark my fancy.

Its more an attention span thing for me when I get so inspired about an idea and then completely leave it be, go back to it and then blank. Does anybody else have that issue? It’s not that I’m blocked or suffering from the dreaded writers block or am I?, it’s that not one idea holds my attention long enough. I’m right in the middle of reading the second book of the “Miss Peregrine’s Peculiar Children” book series, (which is great btw) and I get flashes of inspiration so that helps. I’m guessing my issue lies in keeping with an idea long enough to get a short story, screenplay or novel started.

What are some tips from some of my fellow bloggers? writers? authors? poets? screenwriters?

Any tips would be greatly appreciated!

CaesarMarques

 

 

Photo Courtesy of Bing.com/ms.bookish.com