Let it Go (2015)

I hated my job. That’s the plain and straightforward truth. It wasn’t creative enough and it basically wasn’t what I saw my future to be. I stayed there 9 years because of you know nice compensation, some people that I liked and fear. That dude (fear) has been my closest companion for a long time and he has gotten me out of some hairy situations and probably stopped me from having some good times in life.

Here was the plan: my car lease is up in November, look for another gig (Hello Seattle one of my favorite cities) and quit this job because hey I’m a hard working dude with a bachelors degree, I’ll land on my feet. Here’s what actually happened: I turned in my lease, quit my job and landed a pretty cushy interview where I could make more money than I had previously, except that interview was canceled just because. I ended up with no car of my own and no job. I’m applying everywhere because I’m a grown man and I have bills like my most grown folk. Jobs I wouldn’t normally look twice at suddenly looked very appealing. Interviews came and went but it seemed the more excited I got about the gig the harder it was to take the rejection of “We’ve decided to go with other candidates”.

For a long time I’ve read that no is a cosmic redirection and that every door that closes is so another better door can open. In the midst of wondering what is gonna happen and how long you can last on your savings the main thought I have is, this some bull-ish

th180YCCP2 All this being said there has been some depressing times feeling like I wasn’t good enough to be hired, saying I wasted years at the previous company, just a whole bunch of shoulda coulda woulda’s. The days have been up and down for the last two months. I’ve had a tremendous support system with my parents and some friends who didn’t outwardly judge me.

I don’t regret leaving my last company for the “promise” of a new opportunity, but It was scary as hell. That company helped me meet some cool people, fall head over heels in love (infatuation probably), lease two new cars and keep my bills paid. You’re thinking well what am I up to now? I’m still figuring things out about where I want to be in 2016 but I did get a temp position to keep some funds coming into my pocket and there’s a chance it could become permanent. This experience has taught me that when you let things go you might as well let go of the outcome because you never know what the universe has in store. I learned that something crazy these last two months. I wish 2016 to be a great year for all who read this, I appreciate a forum to write my life and those who take the time to read about it.

CaesarMarques

Photo Courtesy of: Giphy.com/Frozen, Bing.com/Hyperliterature

Stronger With Each Tear…A Poem

strength-quotes-8

When one opportunity leaves and the door closes

how do you get through? The strife and the stress you can’t maintain

and you don’t want to be that friend who always complains.

Life comes at you hard and crying seems to show you’ve let down

your guard. Sure people want to help and their intentions are pure

but the well seems so deep and the heart seems to endure

all the expectations of yourself and the people around trying

and sometimes falling the tears of a clown. You never know how

strong you have to be when you have no choice say it loud and proud

that’s why you have a voice. I speak for those dudes who doesn’t like

vulnerabilities to show and want to maintain a life that’s awesome from

the word go. Strength is in your head, in your heart and your muscles

you flex them all. Sometimes you get tired and you just want to ball

It’s okay and it’s alright we all will live to see another day just to win the

fight to get out of bed, to take care of business and take care of yourself

We only get one life to live and from personal experience this life is

something else.

Asking for Help…A Poem

I crave being independent, however I was faced with the fact that

I cant do it alone. It hurts my heart because I thought independent

was a part of being grown.

Some parts of me despise asking for help because I’m strong, I’m a man

I’m supposed to deal with the cards I’m dealt that’s the plan

The universe works in mysterious ways, I can’t count how many times

I’ve prayed for luck, love and favor so I can enjoy this life and savor

the good and the bad the happy and the sad.

I’m learning to let go of being strong on my own

help is there to guide me and not take over, learn all I can from as

many people before you know life is over. I’m still a work in progress.

Image courtesy of Yahoo Images

Life in Bold Print…a poem

Beboldoritalic

Louder she says, project your voice let the world hear your noise

Manly the magazine says, wear this, drink that, and please

don’t be seen in public in that hat. So many ideals on who to be

when is it okay to just be me? The musicians put lyrics to songs singing

about fighting for your rights and trying to belong. The examples are

numerous and the fakes are grand, please can I LIVE man? I’m so tired

of following what you think I should be I’m old enough to know that it’s

alright and just fine with me. Fat, skinny, hairy or bald beauty comes one

size fits all. Lets start a revolution and be bold in our resolution to

celebrate our flaws because without them there’s no rhyme or reason at

all. I’m not angry just prepared to show the world how much I care,

about what you think and who you want me to be and I dare you to say all

men are created free. Be Bold Be Proud Be You because in this life its

all you can do.

Photo Courtesy of Yahoo Images

I’m gonna chase waterfalls; An Ode….#poetry

photo courtesy of MrWallpaper.com — photo courtesy of http://www.mrwallpaper.com

Tank full of gas, as the pedal hits the metal I ask are you happy today, the smile on my face

lets me know I’m near the place that brings me joy in that brief second I see wet. Park the car

now sand through my toes, I don’t care where the time goes. Happy faces around, I even see a clown

enjoying all that this place is. Waves crash against the tide I only hope that the divine blesses me

with a home near this fantastic space only grace could shape something so rich, powerful, beautiful and

nourishing. I’m in awe. Mother Nature. Water. Raw.

Love life. Imperfections…#poetry

A Limerick

I ‘m at a lost because I don’t have much time

to find a true love that’s mine

All the dudes are straight, that I wanna

date, clearly fate is taking its time. Wait

I’m not drunk enough could you please pass the red wine?

The skin hides what everyone can see…..#Poetry

My skin is big you see, enough room for maybe you and two to three skinny folk. It bleeds like any other surface with blood going through its veins sometimes its easy not to feel the pain. Its my protection of sorts, kinda like when we were kids and built pillow forts. As a child we used to jump on, hide under and disappear into that fluffy void. All that time wanting just to be heard without making noise. Playing tag feeling special because you couldn’t find me all this skin wrapped around all that’s meant to guide me. Into your heart, into your soul into telling stories that should and need to be told. All said and done I’m glad the skin is here because most strangers cant sense the fear.

The Greatest Love of All…..#Essay

I wrote in a previous blog about finding my tribe, a place where I felt comfortable and safe where I could be myself. Last night our acting class had its first student showcase. I admit I am not the most confident person when it comes to this acting game, but I figure that’s where the acting training comes in. You know fake it till you make it type of ish. Low and behold me and my partner did very well with our scene and we got great reviews.

That part is nerve-racking due to the simple fact that you never know how people will react to any art you will produce. I had to pee 3 times waiting to go on, it was jitters i think or the water that came out of nowhere. I believe the hardest part of this journey that I had to take was the belief in myself that I could do well. In many cases I’m around people who tell people what they want to hear but not give constructive feedback. I hate that, if I suck let me know I feel that’s the only way I can learn and move forward ( I may look at you funny from time to time but its all good).

10 minutes before show time I have my script in my hand and this thought in my head. PLEASE DON”T FUCK THIS UP! Gospel music is playing in my head and the light comes up, we do our scene and do fucking GREAT! I’m genuinely surprised that I remembered my lines and didn’t trip and fall off the stage. Prior to this showcase I had various classmates voice to me what my strengths were and I really couldn’t hear the compliments and receive them in short because I felt I didn’t deserve them.

“Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all”

Well Whitney it’s not THAT easy, it takes work sister girl and by the way (miss you lots). I’m getting to that place slowly and after last night I took a deep breath and let it pour in. You did well brutha man and you deserve all the accolades you’ve received because you’ve worked your ass off. I heard for the first time what my classmates were saying all along. It warmed my heart and filled my eyes with tears that in conjunction with the divine I pray to every night I can love myself enough to NOT discount the good things that people say and dwell on those thoughts instead of the negative.

My tribe is full of creative, free-spirited, talented individuals and I could not be more proud to be in such company. I wish all of us much success in the future and thank you for opening the door to me discovering The Greatest Love of All.

P.S The logo I used is my school that I take classes at with kick-ass teachers, So if you’re interested in taking up acting in the Michigan area give them a call.

CaesarMarques

The thing about being a dreamer is….

I was one of those kids who wanted to try everything but afraid to do most things. I have a lot of admiration for those kids who know what they want and go after it. There’s a list of things Ive wanted to do as careers such as

Fashion Designer

Actor

Filmmaker

Author

Screenwriter

Singer

Dancer

Travel Writer

The thing about being a dreamer is having the follow through to actually do those things. Take classes, see what works for you and what doesn’t. As I’m getting older I’ve found myself in an unhappy place where I’m focusing on all my regrets of what wasn’t instead of what could be. I have let my age and weight dictate far too much of my life. Not following my dreams led me to getting a degree in a field I don’t like much less love.

In November I plan on undertaking a dream of living in another city with no friends or family there. Some people move for work and other reasons, I chalk mine up to a spiritual alignment with growing into the person I should of been before I let fear turn me into the person i don’t really like. Scary yes, necessary yes.

I’ve spent money on things instead of experiences and looking back there are a whole bunch of shoulda, coulda wouldas going on in this brain of mine .As I embark on this next stage of my life I plan on exploring more, writing more, taking more classes, traveling more. We only have one life to live right? When was the last time you followed a dream of yours?

Dream It, Live It, Believe It, Love It

CaesarMarques

P.S If you wanna help a brother out I’m always taking donations. 😉

Music that uplifts….

Those who know me well know that music is a big part of my life, I still own the iPod classic and have close to 7000 songs on it. You can say its the main reason I like going to the gym, not to gain muscle tone or lose weight but to listen to a whole album with no interruption. Putting on headphones or even turning up the volume in my car is almost spiritual. I was trying to think of something to blog about today and this prompt came up, 5 songs you last listened to. I decided to go one step further and pick 5 songs that uplift me, my mood and my singing game (more on that in another post) Here we go….

Can’t Give Up Now- Mary Mary

The overriding theme of this song is of a spiritual nature with lyrics like “I don’t believe he’s brought me this far to leave me” with vocals that if sang live could shake the venue its performed in. It’s gospel music that tells you to never give up and I listen to it during strength training.

Won’t Back Down Eminem feat Pink

A fist pumping anthem that I take as an underdog song with ferocious lyrics by one of the greatest rappers that has ever done it and a chorus sung by my favorite female singer. “You can sound the alarm, you can hold all the cards, you can fence in the yard but I wont back down. Oh no” How can you not get pumped with those lyrics in your ear?

Roar- Katy Perry

A pure and delectable piece of sonic pop candy this song immediately grabbed me with its catchy-ness. I almost did 90 minutes of cardio listening so it deserves special mention. The chorus is played in locker rooms across the US I hear and for good reason what better way to get pumped to win any sports game.

Born This Way Lady GaGa

Another sonic piece of pop candy that is one of the best LGBT anthems of my generation. We are all born a little different and this song celebrates it in a bold way that’s incredibly catchy. My own coming out process benefited heavily from listening to this track basically telling me I’m gonna be alright cause God makes no mistakes. I say Amen to that.

Rise Up- Andra Day

Talk about a track that sneaks up on you. I rarely listen to the radio so I’m normally late on new songs but this was playing at the movie theater of all places. She is a new artist and incredibly talented who writes her own lyrics. The song basically is telling you to get up and seize the day, no matter what and I believe it came right on time in my life.

This is just the tip of the iceberg as far as music goes there are hundreds more I can add but I don’t wanna hold you hostage 😉 So what songs uplift you? When you put on music to get through the day who or what kind captures your soul? Until next time I’ll just be over here with my headphones ….

CaesarMarques

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Photo Courtesy of Yahoo Images

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: