Act as if you have it and it’s yours….a parable 

“I need more from you, it seems as if your holding back” says the director on our first meeting about our project. I know this. I got this. but this criticism still stinging.I prepped and racked my brain to give this character life. I studied the greats trying to capture their spirit and put together their essence with my own perhaps this was my first mistake.
First off, I’m new to this, raw unfiltered emotional dude who loves this woman and she dares not to love him enough. The role did spark a fire in me that while always there, was damned due to my insecurity in allowing the negative comments from years past to penetrate my consciousness and never break free from it. In preparation I fasted, I exercised, my mind and my heart to get it right. I got this. I know this. 

The third rehearsal goes something like this “have you ever felt when someone told you something and you know it is untrue but you still listen”? the director says looking stern and uncompromising not a smile in site.
My reply….. I know the feeling well it seems like this is my way of living all the time, the world has a contract to tell people what they want to hear be gentle they say, don’t hurt feelings they say, and have us walk around thinking we are something that we are not. I got this. I know this. The up coming weeks go by fast and with each rehearsal I feel better, I feel supported, I feel the universe is with me every step of the way. Feedback is great, I’m on top of the world on this particular day I meet the playwright she loves how the piece flows but thinks a song is needed to push the piece into the stratosphere.
I’m excited thinking I can do more, I can be more bring my full self. I sing the song in rehearsal but you can hear a pin drop. Silence. Is this good? It seems like 20 minutes have gone by and then I hear the directors uncompromising and stern voice….”are you comfortable with this? Because you really can’t sing and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, we are gonna have to get it together or find an alternative”. Rehearsal ended but the comment/critique set with me, ate with me, came to bed with me that night. It rises in me as I started each day. What do I do? Quit the show and go back into my shell? Stay in dreamland and live there for the rest of my days? I mean it is my favorite place. Can you guess what I did?
I regrouped, picked myself up and realized that while I was nowhere near where I wanted to be I could get there with practice and tenacity. I prayed, practiced and I meditated. First show of the run. Nerves. Sweat on the brow. Lips shaking. Well wisher’s, crowd silenced, some laughs and it’s the end. Standing ovation. I’m shocked looking at my leading lady who was also shocked. They actually liked it. I’m elated that I didn’t muck it up, I have a talk with spirit that same night while I try to explain my feelings about the experience, the emotion and my goal for the duration of the rest of the shows I feel a chilled finger pressed against my lip not allowing me to speak.
” you feel it now don’t you, it was always there. You compare with no one. You are your own person with your own gifts, talents and technique. Will you be everyone’s taste? No. You were not designed that way. The people you have met and critiqued you were to strengthen you, push you to go farther then you knew you were capable of. I’m proud of you and I know there’s a lot you want to say but you do realize I already know the words you want to say. You Recreateand create that’s why you’re here, don’t ever doubt, always trust and believe. You’ve enjoyed my work on this planet and now I demand you give this same courtesy to every living soul out there, don’t make me come back and give this speech again”.
Spirit then smiles and gets up to go. I’m trying to speak and maybe say thank you, get words out but that something keeps my lips in place I then hear clear as day like a song… “I wish you joy and happiness, but above all this I wish you love” she then fades away. I knew I was always loved at that moment.
©MarcusCaesar

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Stop the B.S 

I say this to myself 

As I take the stage

Fight your fears 

Recite your favorite poems

Be adventurous 

Sing that song (even if you aren’t great)

Take pictures 

Of yourself 

Love yourself 

Look in the mirror 

Smile

Don’t take it so seriously 

Hell you write the lines

Just follow your writings…..

©MarcusCaesar

When you know you know 🤷🏽‍♂️

so bright 

wanna shine 

i step back

because of “what they think”

creative life

my own limitations 

are blinding me

can’t won’t see

compliments from peeps 

watching stars Glaring

trying to be free

of the old me

wipe the mirror dude

see yourself 

be yourself 

walk into the light

u have the fight

gonna get it right 

someday is tonight

while sounds of blackness 

optimistic plays in the background 

©MarcusCaesar

Manifesto Shoutout (part 1)

It’s been the same

Scared of change

Im a creative creature 

I thrive off of creating worlds

I didn’t share, caring what you thought 

It’s been simmering 

Percolating under the surface 

Doing myself a disservice 

Been Dormant; long enough 

Fear as my crutch 

I’m gonna, I wanna share my art

My heart is in a different place 

No this won’t erase the past

All I ask is for patience, time 

I’m trying to figure it all out

Scream and shout let it all out

My voice, my soul , no control 

Getting uncomfortable 

Just you wait and see

The fire I have in me……..
©MarcusCaesar

💖Universe have my back 💓


You want the best for everyone 

Including yourself 

I need a miracle 

I want to move to another place to 

Practice my art, fulfill my hearts desire 

Fear, finances, hold me back

I send light to receive light

This is my call to the universe 

Help me in anyway you can

Guide me

To the situations, people, places 

My heart is full of gratitude for

What’s to come

I work hard, now I have to work smart 

By the end of 2017 I plan to be settled in

Send me your positivity

Send me your magic 

Help make my dreams come true 🙏🏽

©MarcusCaesar

Snack on this (thoughts in waiting)


I enjoy eating 

Fast foods, Snackfoods, good foods, bad foods 

It’s my armor

Invisible, seen, antisocial, mean

I choose this

Hard to quit, Easy to get, goes down smooth 

It’s how I cope

Sexuality, obesity, debt, stuck

I pray about it 

Love, money, purpose, relationships

It gets better, doesn’t it?  Hope. 

©MarcusCaesar

*i don’t own the image, Image is courtesy of google images*

Read to Recharge 💓

The world can be tough

Without your brain making it so

It can be sometimes hard to put yourself in go.

 Be Tender with yourself /myself/ourselves 

I wish I knew all thee answers

Always searching for something more 

I’m learning to adapt 

To love ❤️ 

To accept 

Myself as I am

Work in progress 

©MarcusCaesar

I hope to purchase my uniform…


Sitting here thinking about you…..

I want to play in the rain with your essence 

Eat pizza, while we disagree with pineapple 

On that said pizza, I relent it’s ok 

Because I’m eating with you

Riverfront walking , our fears talking

Will someone mind if we kiss? It’s been 

So long, that walk from the parking lot

To one of many favorite spots. Fuck’em 

We dress alike but people can’t see the 
Uniform we share is just smiles and happiness 

between you and me. 

©MarcusCaesar

a pinch of fear, a trace of hope…

It’s all about me

The way I’ve learned to be

Take care of myself, cause no one else will 

Going ever so slowly through the fog

Legs, heart hurting from it all 

Constant moving but in place 

It’s hard to hold up my face 

Because then you’ll see the truth 

I fake it until I make it, shame there’s a

Trace would my family and friends think

Me a disgrace?

I talk and talk and talk with no much follow 

Through… gotta begin anew
This prayer I Trace on my lips from my heart

Dear God,

Hear me loud and clear 

I’ve walked through life with life altering fear

Trust faltered; willpower diminished 

We talk a lot, my mind cloudy, mouth hot

I ask please forget me not

Things I wanna do but scared of failure 

I ask for your guidance for the big step 

I want to take 

Be near me, talk with me 

Help me understand that you help those whom

Help themselves that’s how you lend

A helping hand. Amen 

©MarcusCaesar

{Con{Fid{ence Loading…


Charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent

Survival of the fittest in the world today 

It’s all in me, can I let it out? 

Downplayed, afraid of what others may say

How can he Radiate such, such beauty, 

Such grace. I mean he only takes pictures of his

Face; body isn’t perfect but folks feel he’s 

Conceited because he doesn’t talk to

Everyone; Arrogant because he knows what he 

Wants; speaks his mind didn’t stutter one time

Truly feeling he’s one of a kind

Took some time for him to find

The jewel that lies inside 

Buried under hurt, dirt, seaweed, broken glass 

Honey, insecurity and neglect.

Gentle in speech, large in spirit 

I’m on my way…to be continued 

©MarcusCaesar