Straight with a Silver Bullet…. A Poem

Long hard look
Flexing eyebrows, eyes that change colors with the sun
Long conversations from topics, silly to profound
How long will my addiction to this affliction?

Better
Same type of music gets us going, the 2-step we both do
Gleaming teeth, moist lips that speak words we only understand
How could this be between man and man?

Doubt
Feeling some type of way, mind cant comprehend
Light skin, greenish-blue veins that shine so loudly
Is it only my truth or are you feeling it too?

Superpower
Subtle signs, a belly laugh, a smile that lights the room
I tell a joke and everyone laughs but you I search for recognition
That you feel the same as I do PLEASE universe give me permission.

Jealous
The teeth, the smile, Its all passionate but as i look around
I see a beautiful lady who’s got it all and our connection is nowhere to be found
It hits me again, the curse of the friendly straight dude who’s just living his life
Being a friend is all he can offer and all I can do is bite

a sandwich because rejection makes me hungry….

CaesarMarques

Its good to have allies…

As i’m learning more and more about activism on all sides,when doing research it is good to know some celebrities share my sentiments on issues relating to me. In this case the LGBT community. We still have a ways to go for equality but I stand in faith that someday soon we will all have the same rights across the board.

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A Fitness Challenge….Motivate me Please :-}

All These people look happy to exercise..Is it contagious?
All These people look happy to exercise..Is it contagious?

My weight has always been an issue for me well at least since High School when i thought eating multiple whoppers with cheese would cure my social anxieties. In the early 90’s for some reason burgers were always on sale and I was happy to take advantage. You have to realize that I grew up on 8 mile (A famous movie that was set not on that particular road but was filmed near it which makes it special nonetheless) where there were ALL different types of fast food restaurants close by. My parents worked a lot and rarely cooked anything i liked, so i lived on banquet dinners, Kraft Macaroni in the box and Fast Food restaurant of my choice.

I used the excuse that walking to said restaurants I was exercising the McNuggets off. It didn’t work. I rarely exercised besides the walking to the restaurants, so as you can guess I never lost the weight. I did bowl, so i have strong/toned arms. At my biggest I was a 54 waist, working for a grocery store I had access to a lot of junky foods, fried chicken and the occasional salad. I was talked about and teased for being the big guy but that didn’t motivate me that just sent me to ask for more hours so I can upgrade to super size meals at THAT restaurant. As a grown man it was up and down, up and down for my weight until my pimp Sallie Mae came through.

Having Sallie’s help, I signed up for a medical weight loss plan that cut my calorie intake dramatically while going to the gym 3 days a week. Good News was that I lost 93 pounds. Bad News was that in the maintenance portion of the program I gained 35 of it back. I however continued to go to the gym upping my time there to 5 days a week. I’m thinking if i’m gonna pay for it better use it. I gained muscle and I was content, not happy though. I did this all while on the midnight shift, so I was proud. I recently (Sept) went to the day shift and i’m finding it hard to stay on the fitness track I set up.

This is where the challenge comes in. I follow many people on social media who are fit, it can be done I know this. I wanna connect with people like me who work a 9 to 5 gig and stay fit. No offense to the personal trainers who work 9 to 5, i’m excluding you because your job is at the GYM. It gets me annoyed when Famous people give advice because they have access to things that a regular shmo like me don’t (personal trainers, personal cooks,  more money).

This is my idea of a great gym ....EMPTY!!!
This is my idea of a great gym ….EMPTY!!!

In conclusion, where are my fitness warriors who can help me out? Working a job and taking care of family and STILL go to the gym, i salute you. I’m learning not to stress so much over it, its more enjoyable that way. i’m gonna go now, I have a date with Leg Day in the morning. (sigh)

35 is here, am I where I thought i’d be?

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I turned 35 two weeks ago, no big celebration at all. I long ago gave up on the ice cream and cake phenomenon. Remember when you were younger and you had a list of what you were gonna have accomplished by a certain age? I had one of those lists and by golly I was gonna make it work, I was gonna tear it up and make another. HA! Life has a funny way of checking you especially on that day once a year that you’re reminded that you’re not getting any younger.

My problem lies in the fact that I wanted to do EVERYTHING that had  anything to do with creativity.From Fashion Designer (bought a sketch Pad, did one sketch), Cosmetologist ( Why can’t I make a helicopter out of hair? Looks cool right? Some gel, a plan and some weave. Went to school for 3 years never went to the State Board), Movie Director ( There’s still Time right? I mean most of the successful ones are in their 40’s I tell myself), Actor (I’m Taking Classes now! A dream I may be good at! Hot Damn!!!), Artist ( My dad is a great one, tried it myself and the self-doubt took over) and Architect (Bought one of those computer graphic house building simulators and tried it for 2 weeks, its in a box somewhere with the other floppy disks that were so popular).

This year I have decided that I’m gonna follow one of my passions and that’s where this blog is coming in. I love to write. I think I’m funny in person so why not share my unique view of life? My guess would be that everybody on WordPress thinks they have something different to offer why not be a part of that community at least once a week. I’m learning the ins and outs as I grow along and my posts will be fancier when I learn what the hell I’m doing.

So no I’m not where I thought I’d be and that’s ok. Who follows their dreams that they had when they were younger besides Beyoncé?