Lamenting on truest of lives…

I did plan it

I had no Qualm; about going through with it

The date was set

I need to get things in order 

Fire up the tape recorder 

Let everyone know I love them 

It’s about me, wasn’t about you

Get outta my head

Build a new life 

Try new things, maybe go clean 

What am I trying to accomplish?

What am I trying to escape?

Sometimes I feel like it’s too late 

But it’s not, it’s ego talking 

Universe help me out

I wanna get these feelings out

Stuck, lost, off track, astray

Moving, found, clear, focused 

It’s what I’m after…..

©Marcus Caesar 

Come One, Come All

Here ye.    Here ye.

Everyone is welcome 

Come into my home 

Tell me your stories

Life experiences and such

Welcome aboard 

My train, no judge or jury

No hurry to confirm 

To the harshness of society 

Bring your gifts, share your talents 

Let’s all learn together 

Color blind in my eyes

We all have the same insides 

My place  so kiss your girl, kiss your dude

Kiss both on different days, respect 

Hold hands in harmony, peace

Be with us, Hospitality to 1000th degree

Come stay with me

Take me to your land so I can learn all I can

A great time had by all

I promise one and all

Universe my mind and heart is open…..

©Marcus Caesar

Road could be long, but worth it… (Champion)

This nervousness is astounding, my heart is beating fast, sweat is forming in places that are dumb. Back of my neck, inside of my thighs, the crook of my arm. I had been nominated for 4 Academy Awards, Best Supporting Actor, Best Actor, Original Screenplay and Best Original Song. By this time of night I’d lost 3 of them and now it was time for the last category I’d compete in and one of the last of the night, Best Actor. 
This was one of the best years of my professional/ personal life. I wrote a movie for me to star in AND I got to work with 2 acting heroes of mines Meryl Streep and Steve Martin. I had become engaged to a childhood friend that summer and became a step-parent to his 2 kids Savanna and Rob Jr. I also inked a deal to write a pilot for HBO about the lives of escorts to the stars, that was getting a lot of buzz. In other words, a fucking fantastic year.
My friend Zarah was by my side at the Oscars being the support, the comedian (we played guess who gets drunk quicker) , and my edible buddy (she owns an edible bakery). I admit I wasn’t largely favored to win any of the major awards but best Original Song, I thought I had it in the bag. Top 10 hit, platinum seller but alas so was Sam Smith’s ballad that ended up winning. I found myself tearing up after not winning that one, my self esteem was slowly falling down. In my eyes this award show was my moment, my HEY WORLD IM HERE, my launch pad. One by one after each announcement of the winner I had to fake a smile, damn those cameras.
It was after the winner was announced for the screenplay award where I decided I was gonna take a year off and cry, eat, sleep. You know stay at home and play househusband. One thing about me it shows on my face when I’m upset, worried, irritated, hungry, happy etc and boy was my face twisted up that night. Commercial break comes and a tap on the shoulder jolts me, it’s Samuel L Jackson whispering in my ear “keep your head up brother, shiiiiid you’ll be up there next year. You new to the game. You can’t always win awards but you put out good work and the rewards gon be great. You’re a champion Youngblood. Believe that shit” before I could respond we were back from commercial break. 
Best Actor category up next, the sweat is on my eyebrows now, Zarah is holding my hand. There are some great actors nominated tonight Izaya Spencer (acting school buddy), Sharlto Copley, Orlando Bloom and Matt Damon. I’m rubbing my leg with my right hand, tapping my shoe and the winner is called and it’s…….Orlando Bloom 

I jump up and start clapping, seeing me do it the other nominees follow suit. Standing and clapping, my mind is cloudy, throat is dry, hands now hurting holding back the tears. I could play it off and say I’m just happy for my buddy Orlando (first nomination) but it’s a mixture of disappointment and genuine happiness for the winners. 
It was my first as well, do I count? I could see the headlines now, and I’d be in them as capital L for loser. On the way home I’m silent, Zarah is running down the coolest moments of the night, who she met, who she’d fuck, whom she wouldn’t. She gives me a hug before she walks up to her townhouse and whispers “You’re my Champion forever and always ” followed by a kiss on the cheek and then she skips to her door. The driver gets on the PCH and that’s when I lose it, tears streaming down my face. I had to let it out, the driver sensing discomfort just let me be. He put on some music and the first song that comes on is Champion by RuPaul…..45 minutes later I’m home.
Rob comes at me both arms raised and we hug, sobs coming from my mouth, nose stuffed up. He knew as soon as he saw me, I felt embarrassed, distressed and low. Letting me go, I then go into my meditation room and see a bouquet of flowers with a note attached from my spiritual mentor it read “To my friend, always remember : Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday. -Wilma Rudolph followed by Best of Luck my friend signed OPRAH WINFREY
A smile appeared on my face. It was time to regroup and so I started my meditation……

©MarcusCaesar

A shot of light n life (elixir)

Guardian Angel hear my plea

Come rescue me

Depression has come calling 

Loud, strong, impressionable 

Feeling stuck, caged in you could say

Tell me something, make my day

Brighter, sunnier

Love letters to my heart

An elixir for my woes

Deep thinking, contemplating 

Just letting go, leaving it all behind 

Comparison is death at my age, any age

Oh sage, walk with me, talk with me

Give me the magic to mix this life

Into something I’d love, even like

Grant me the greatest gift 

Of being able to see the world in all

its glory, is it by telling stories?

One year older, hair a bit grayer 

I would like a sign for the piece of mind

To move forward knowing that life can be a 

Challenge and the storm I’m in won’t always

Be this way, oh heavens I pray 🙏🏽

Your Elixir would be most helpful whatever 

It may be, I kneel and bow to thee. 

Be the guide.

©Marcus Caesar

Year 37 

I believe in miracles, cause it’s a miracle I’m here.”  -Emeli Sande

Born day is here and the feeling is mixed

I’m blessed to have what I have 

Meet the people I’ve met 

Traveled to the places I’ve traveled 

There is something I wanna do

Live in another place, get another grove

Find love with another + myself 

Follow my true path 

Be that media mogul, makes dreams come

True, even mines 

I pray this year brings a Desire to live

Fully honestly and without hesitation 

With that sentimental crap outta the way

My attitude remains 


©MarcusCaesar 

singer sings, people listen.

The season is here

The big awards are given out

Music to film, around this time

Lights never dim

I’ve always wanted to be part of the culture 

Entertaining the masses

Some days I feel like putting in the work 

Some days I want to wallow in the hurt

Of self doubt and what if’s

The universe is showing me 

That I have lessons to learn and to teach

Preach if you will, through lyrics or through 

Song, that’s how most folks get it on

I’m afraid to share you see, message 

May not be received, told to go back in

Fighting against that, lessons resumed

Eager to learn again, no expectations 

Will you hear my song?  💘

©Marcus Caesar 

In response to Sound

Have you ever? 

…wanted so bad to live life on your own terms but so busy comparing that you forgot what your terms were?

…started being attracted to the same sex at a early age but deathly afraid of people finding out so you go into a shell?

…love to sleep because your dream life is one of the happiest places you can go?

…put words in people’s mouths, automatically give them a story as to why they wouldn’t like you without actually knowing that person?

…as a teenager neglect cleanliness about yourself so that it would put up a wall as to keep people out?

…went years without sex because you find your body disgusting?

…go out of your way to make people smile and laugh so that the universe will send people to do the same for you?

…decided that the “fuck it all” attitude is the way to be from here on out, when the world seems way too complicated and you’re sensitive to the energies of that world for better or worse 


…to be continued 



©MarcusCaesar

…gif courtesy of GIPHY.com

What Now…#PepTalk for the New Year 

This is me. My name is Marcus.

I want to be a better person this year because I think I’d benefit from it and it may make the world a better place (you just never know). Some thoughts that have penetrated my mind, some seen on social media and some that were randomly brought to my consciousness by sounds, feelings and the universe

  1. Comparison is a form of self-violence 
  2. Adventure makes your heart smile 
  3. Love yourself as much as you love your favorite musicians, actors and actresses 
  4. You may have to go into debt to do the things your soul is calling you to do
  5. Don’t be afraid to ask for help 
  6. People are in your life for a reason, season or a lifetime. The universe will determine which
  7. People don’t care about you and what you do as much as you think 
  8. Kiss more
  9. Explore Fashion 
  10. Though they may work your nerves, cherish every day your parents being on this earth 

I hope this serves whom ever reads this and I’d like to know what you would add. Let’s make this list longer….. until the next post ✌🏽

Lightworker in training, 

Marcus Caesar/CaesarMarques 

Some Puzzle Pieces Wont Fit…

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Photo credit: Bing Images

I bought some new shoes

Now it takes away the blues

Walking strong alone

 

I bought a new car

Moonroof and leather seats

Am I ever gonna get to share these treats

 

I bought some jewelry

Gold shining in the light

Whose hand am I holding tonight?

 

I bought a new home

Marble counters and jetted tub

Life is great dinner’s ready at 8

 

I bought a new body

6 pack abs and ego to match

Attitude strong no problems here

 

I bought a new life

Found out it didn’t fulfill what was inside

All the insecurities I tried to hide.

 

©2016 CaesarMarques